


Black Cat Romance

by Tatau



Category: due South
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Mojo Rising, Voodoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:02:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2399405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tatau/pseuds/Tatau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray really doesn’t like voodoo. But he might make an exception when he finds a voodoo doll that looks like Fraser. If only he could get his conscience to shut up…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black Cat Romance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hopelessly British](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Hopelessly+British).



~ What did you do to me  
(did you do) did you do a little séance  
(did you do) a black cat romance  
(did you do) did you do a little sun dance  
(did you do) did you do some voodoo baby ~

Paul Gross - Voodoo

 

The blaring of the horns behind them made Ray cringe with embarrassment. He tried to hide in his jacket to no avail. He let his head drop forward in a gesture of defeat.

“Fraser, what are you doing?”

Fraser gave a friendly wave at the apoplectic driver who was overtaking them. “I’m driving.”

Ray shook his head. Hell, he had wanted to impress Fraser or something by letting him drive the GTO. Like, you know, you’d give your jacket to a girl and...you let a guy drive your car. Ray sighed. He obviously hadn’t thought this through.

“This is not driving; this is walking with a vehicle.”

Fraser tried arguing the point, but there was only so much Ray could take. Style, that was the whole point of driving a classic car.

“I’ve driven with you many times, Ray.”

“Driven, yes. Studied? No. Learned? No. Stop the car.” “As you wish.’

Sometimes Ray breathed a silent sigh of relief that he wasn’t the only one cuckoo what with Fraser not even thinking of getting out of the car to switch seats, and if Ray enjoyed the little contact then nobody had to know. He hunched a little more closely over the steering wheel and tried to focus on the task at hand. The lights turned green and Ray burned rubber.

“Ray! You’ve violated at least six traffic laws.” Ray couldn’t help it; he smiled. He had no idea what constantly made him go ’lookatmelookatmelookatme’ when it came to Fraser, but it was hard to stop.

A second later, Fraser shouted “Criminals!” and that was it as far as smiles went for the rest of the day. Shit. His car.

 

As if his dad showing up at the station on that day of all days had not already been enough, Fraser also had to make him feel bad about the lying...which, oh boy, Fraser just didn’t get it. If Fraser knew Ray’s little secret, he’d whistle another tune. Sometimes you just had to lie...or at least not tell the truth, in order to protect something. Their partnership was one of the things Ray considered worth lying for.

 

~*~

Impatiently, Ray waited for the red tape to be disentangled. Working together with other agencies was always a pain in the ass. Sometimes Fraser’s we-are-all-brothers-at-heart speeches weren’t entirely useless. As long as they could check out the whereabouts of his car…sometime this millennium, preferably.

Stopping at the guy who stole his car’s place seemed as good a start as any.

 

“Ray, Ray, Ray—”

Ray jerked out of whatever trance he’d been under when Fraser’s finger tapped him on the head. Oh, he really didn’t like this case…and the crazy smile on the voodoo lady’s face also didn’t help.

 

Fraser, though, Fraser had a real knack for dealing with this sort of thing. Ray watched Fraser’s back as they left Mr.

Laferette’s apartment complex. If Fraser wanted, he could talk his way into any place. People would always invite him in. Ray smiled. One day, he’d like to see Fraser back in his homeland just to watch his magic in its natural surroundings. That thought killed Ray’s smile pretty fast. He didn’t want to think about Fraser leaving. And if it took clinging to the wing of an airplane, Ray would not let Fraser leave without him.

If that meant lying to him, so be it. It wasn’t even lying...more that thing Fraser was so good at, that emission thing. Ray frowned. That wasn’t the word he was looking for. Whatever.

 

They made their way back to the station where they spent some time perusing the INS files. Ray glanced up yet again and spent a few seconds watching Fraser skim through one of the reports. So close and yet so far. Ray suppressed a sigh and got to work again.

“I’m afraid it’s time for me to return to the Consulate,” Fraser said after a while.

“Ice Queen riding your ass again?”

“As my superior officer she is entitled to delegate—” Fraser started with a tug at his collar.

Ray hid his smirk. “Right. See you later.”

 

~*~

It had gotten dark by the time Ray shut the files. He sighed and slipped into his coat. He opened his drawer to get his wallet and stopped in mid-movement. “Huh.” He reached inside and picked up a little doll. His neck prickled. It was made of cloth and dressed in a red jacket and black pants. Not to mention that it appeared to have dark hair and blue eyes. Ray turned the doll around. This looked an awful lot like Fraser. His fingers gently touched the tiny gold buttons on the doll’s coat. Somebody must’ve made this; everything was stitched onto it. No one sold dolls like that nowadays.

Voodoo doll, something in Ray’s mind whispered. Hastily, Ray stuffed the doll into his coat pocket, and shivered.

 

He drove home, tapping nervously on the steering wheel. Once he had closed the door to his apartment and divested himself of his coat, he pulled the doll out again and took it with him to the couch.

It did look like Fraser; it had not just been his imagination. The exact same blue of the eyes...Ray’s fingers touched the blue stitching.

He put the doll down again and put his hands underneath his armpits to keep from touching it. Voodoo was bullshit, right? Voodoo dolls didn’t work...did they?

No way. If it worked wouldn’t everybody be doing it? But...Ray rubbed his neck and gently touched the doll again. Trying wouldn’t hurt, right? If it didn’t work—and it wouldn’t—then nobody would know.

Ray licked his lips. Wasn’t like he wanted Fraser to do something vile...just...Jesus, he’d never have a chance to actually touch Fraser, like, touch-touch and...he took a deep breath.

 

Coffee; first, he needed coffee.

 

He took the doll to the kitchen with him and placed it on the counter. Ray reached for the coffee pot and turned around, knocking something over with his elbow in the process. The glass tinkled as it hit the counter and water sloshed in a small lake over the surface, drenching the little Fraser doll.

“Fuck,” Ray cursed succinctly and attempted to mop up the spill. He’d forgotten he hadn’t put the glass away before he left this morning.

Ray lifted the dripping doll between his fingers and cursed again. Nothing to sour his mood like having to clean up; he sighed.

 

A couple of minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Ray at first didn’t even notice because who would knock on his door anyway? The knock was repeated and this time it penetrated Ray’s skull. Ray glimpsed the doll again as he straightened up, looked frantically around, and put the doll into the next available drawer.

“Coming,” he called and made his way to the door. His mouth fell open when he saw the picture presented to him on the opposite side of his door.

Fraser was standing on his doorstep completely drenched. “I am terribly sorry to interrupt your evening, Ray. The main door was open — I hope you can excuse my forthrightness in coming straight up.” Ray just stared at him. Water was dripping from Fraser’s hair and running down his face, hugging those cheekbones, before it kissed his lips, and waved goodbye to his jaw as it vanished down his collar. Nobody would’ve been able to draw his eyes away!

Fraser flicked his thumb over his eyebrow. “You see, I was on my way back from a last-minute errand the Inspector had sent me on when I was surprised by a sudden downpour. Luckily enough, I was in the vicinity of your apartment when it happened and if I recall you keep a set of spare clothes for me ever since that case involving the very unfortunate jello accident.”

Ray nodded, still unable to say anything. Fraser cleared his throat. “Might I come in?”

“Oh, sure, go ahead, sorry.” Ray shook himself out of his stupor. Freak coincidence. Pure and simple.

Absent-mindedly, Ray handed Fraser a towel and went to dig in his drawers for Fraser’s spare civvies. Unreal. He shook his head.

 

Fraser vanished into the bathroom and Ray went and got the doll out of the drawer again. Might have been a coincidence. Had to be. The little Fraser-doll was still dripping wet. This wasn’t the way a voodoo doll was supposed to work, though, was it?

Ray frowned. The sound of a door opening alerted Ray and he stuffed the doll back into the drawer.

 

“Thank you kindly, Ray. I apologize for interrupting your evening.”

“Nah, didn’t interrupt anything. Don’t worry about it.” Casually, Ray looked Fraser up and down. Damn, that was a nice pair of jeans Fraser had stashed at his place. Nice and tight.

Before Fraser could come up with a polite reason for having to leave, Ray asked, “Hey, you wanna stay for a — a tea or something?”

Those eyebrows rose in surprise. “You have tea, Ray?”

“Well, uhm, no.” Ray rubbed the back of his neck and hoped to hell he wasn’t blushing.

“Ah, I see. Then I’ll take ‘something’.” Fraser smiled and Ray would’ve given an arm and a leg to know if that was just his partner being polite or if the guy actually wanted to stay for no other reason than plain spending time with Ray.

 

Fraser got a glass of water and Ray treated himself to a pity beer—…after all, his car was still missing. God only knew how long a baby like that would survive out in the Chicago wilderness. Or rather, he had a pretty good idea just how long. 5 seconds. Tops.

“Did you glean anything else from your investigation this afternoon?”

Slender fingers pinched the bridge of his nose as Ray expressed his frustration. “Not really…couple of leads. I figure we check out Gerome’s workplace next. I don’t expect him to just turn up there, but…who knows what might fall out of the tree.”

“Good thinking, Ray.”

“You okay? I mean, Dief hanging out with the voodoo priest and all?”

Fraser’s lips twitched into a weak half-smile. “Diefenbaker will be alright. He is attracted to Mr. Laferette’s powerful personality and Mr. Laferette won’t harm him.”

Ray nodded silently. They both knew it wasn’t what he’d asked.

 

Being with Fraser made everything feel less shitty. They were a _duet_ ; they’d find his car. And Dief.

When Fraser said his goodbyes, Ray went back into the kitchen to investigate the doll business further.

 

Hmm. Didn’t really look all that special. Red-black-red-black, the doll turned around between his hands. This was stupid. He didn’t believe in mumbo-jumbo. He could still see Fraser in his mind’s eye, water running down his throat, blue shirt sticking to his chest, hair jet-black and silky-looking…boy…—there was no harm in testing— _proving, dammit_ —that it was just a crock, right? He just had to come up with a few ideas how to test a voodoo doll.

 

~*~

Their trip to this Gutman-guy wasn’t all that groundbreaking, but at least Fraser made that connection between the guy who’d lost his wife and Gerome’s duty as a priest. That was real quick thinking.

 

The fact that the so-called funeral wasn’t held in a church did not improve it in Ray’s book. He heard the singing even before they entered. Wasn’t religion supposed to be soothing? Not that Ray happened to be an expert on religion, but he found Christianity with all its ‘thou shalt not’ a lot more straightforward than this voodoo stuff.

 

The good thing in any case was that Laferette actually performed the service, just like Fraser had expected he would.

Arresting Gerome Laferette was the best Ray had felt in days...until they got him into interrogation.

“You left my car on Latimer?” Ray exclaimed furiously. “They eat cars on Latimer!” He snarled at the world in general and grabbed his jacket.

Greatness. God only knew what had happened to his car in the meantime.

~*~

Great. Fucking great! No car and no Laferette…well, not alive in any case and Ray was being followed by creepy skeletons. This case just kept getting better and better.

“I didn’t know you were superstitious,” Fraser said in surprise. They were walking back from the break room, Ray with a potentially life-saving cup of coffee in hand. “Me? No, it’s just...” Ray shuffled a little, pushing thoughts of the voodoo doll away, and shrugged. “I just don’t like this hocus-pocus stuff.” He shuddered. “Gives me the creeps.”

“Ray, Voudun is far from being what you termed ’hocus-pocus.’ It is a religion founded in—”

“I don’t care. You mess with blood and skulls and dead roosters and weird stuff is going to happen.”

Fraser tugged on his earlobe. “Ray—”

“I’m not saying the mumbo-jumbo is real, okay? I’m not stupid. But creepy things have been happening ever since that guy stole my car and I don’t like it.”

“What things?”

Ray thought back on those grim-reaper-like figures he saw. Maybe he was crazy after all.

“I think you’re rubbing off on me,” he muttered. Fraser looked bewildered.

“Listen, let’s just find my car—”

“And what happened to Mr. Laferette.”

“And what happened to him,” Ray amended. “And get this case behind us.”

“Certainly.” “Greatness.”

Fraser’s earnest blue eyes studied Ray and Ray felt the by now familiar tug on his heart. He picked up a file and tried to look as if he was busy with the case notes. Falling for Fraser...of all the stupid things he could’ve done...

 

Ray made it home and officially reached a new level of pathetic. It wasn’t so much the doll’s fault as that the day had just been one miserable hell after another. They found the guy but his car was gone and then the guy dropped dead and they were left trying to find out where the body had walked to. Yep, everything went pretty much downhill.

He dropped down on the couch, next to the voodoo doll, with a sigh. Gently, Ray reached out and touched its hand with his own. He wrapped his fingers around the little hand and smiled a little sadly. “You have no idea how much I’d just like to hold you. I’m a touchy guy…I know it’s stupid. You never seem to need anyone and I...sheesh, I’m an idiot.” Ray's fingers stroked gently over the hand before he let go and went to the kitchen to get a beer.

 

~*~

The memory came back to him hot and fresh as Ray was getting settled at his desk the next morning. He ducked his head at the memory. Good thing nobody could’ve seen him then. How embarrassing! A grown man cradling a doll…. Something about this case made Ray go crazier than usual.

 

His embarrassment didn’t last long though because they had more pressing matters on their hands.

Fantastic. Now they had a missing dead guy. As if having a dead suspect couldn’t get any worse. Voodoo, zombies, the only thing missing now were aliens. Ray hated aliens!

 

Well, at least Fraser didn’t think Gerome really was dead.

 

“Ray!”

Fraser’s voice called Ray back from his musings.

“Yeah?”

“I might have found something. We should go back to Mr. Gutman’s business. I’d like to ask a few questions.”

“Sure, let’s go.” Anything, to get this case closed.

 

It all started very normal. They talked to a few employees and save for some very reluctant answers it was just business as usual. Ray was used to not having his presence liked – if he just thought back on the Henry Allen business…people were running for the hills every time they had shown up.

 

But either one of Fraser’s questions hit the nail on the head or he just happened to ask one question too many – in any case one man, who had been working next to the woman they were interviewing, suddenly jumped up, pushing the woman at them and shoving whatever was on his workbench down before he ran for the exit.

 

Suddenly, there was a real commotion going on. Somebody screamed, another guy took off, and in the chaos that ensued, somebody pushed Fraser who stumbled backward into Ray, and since Ray only had empty air behind him, he went down hard on his ass. Fraser whirled around to find Ray on the ground.

 

“Terribly sorry, Ray.” Fraser extended a helping hand and Ray reached out to grasp it. The moment their hands touched Ray remembered his idiotic conversation with the doll...well, if you could call somebody talking to a stuffed puppet a ’conversation’.

Fraser’s fingers were firm and warm around his hand and Fraser smiled slightly as he pulled Ray up. Ray looked at their joined hands and back to Fraser. They stood like that for a second and Ray still held Fraser’s hand — or rather Fraser was still holding onto his — and Ray resisted the urge to look down at their intertwined hands again just to make sure that what his fingers were feeling was actually real. Fraser still wasn’t letting go and Ray sort of grinned because how awesome was it that the doll thing actually worked?

“We should...” Fraser smiled and slowly released Ray’s hand. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ’er,” Ray agreed.

It probably hadn’t even lasted all that long because they broke out into a run and it didn’t take more than a few moments before Ray had a visual on the guy who’d first started the whole hubbub.

 

When they finally caught up with him, Ray tackled him to the ground. “Hold it!” he shouted even while they were going down.

The man struggled like somebody possessed. “Quiet down or I will kick you in the head!” Ray pulled the man up and pushed him against the wall.

“Sir, nobody is trying to harm you.”

“Mr. Gutman won’t like it. He won’t like it at all.” The man kept repeating.

Ray exchanged a look with Fraser and lessened his hold on the man. “What? What won’t he like?”

“You. Asking questions. It’s dangerous.” The man pulled loose and took off again. Fraser’s arm on Ray’s stopped him from running after him.

“He’s afraid,” Fraser said.

“Tell me something I don’t know. They all were.”

“There seems to be more to Mr. Gutman than it at first appeared.”

 

When they got back to the station, the colleagues from the INS were already there…and less than impressed that they had managed to lose a body.

 

Ray went home for his lunch break because Fraser needed to fill out some paperwork at the Consulate anyway and they were supposed to meet the INS guys at Gutman’s business afterwards, so Ray’s place was really just a stopover.

The Fraser-doll was lying on his couch table where he had left it. Ray grinned. Everything else had worked, why shouldn’t this? It was harmless enough, but, phew, he wouldn’t mind seeing those results. He put the doll underneath his desk lamp and switched on the light. It didn’t take long for the little doll to heat up. Ray had no idea how long you needed to do stuff to it for it to actually work, so he simply waited until the smell of dry straw filled his apartment. The poor little doll was so hot it almost singed Ray finger’s getting it out from underneath the light.

Puzzled, Ray sat in front of the doll for a couple of minutes not sure what to expect. That Fraser would appear on his door step because a sudden heat wave had broken out? After another few minutes he shrugged and gave up. It had been a stupid idea anyway.

A soft laugh blew past his lips. What a dumb bastard he was being, d-u-m-dumb. Did he really believe a doll would get him Fraser naked? Intently, Ray studied the doll. He should be glad it didn’t work. It was wrong to try this on Fraser. Still…he couldn’t help the wistful sigh as he dragged his ass out of the apartment again to meet the rest of the crew.

 

At least for once the guys from the INS weren’t totally unhelpful. They shared what they had on Gutman with them – which wasn’t very much, granted, but enough to know that he was into voodoo, too, and there had been cause to investigate his business. From what they had already learned, it was more than likely that Gutman was not the clean guy he appeared to be.

 

Ray had all but forgotten about his little experiment with the desk lamp by then, what with Laferette playing dead and then the action at Gutman’s shop. Suddenly, firecrackers erupted and when they all turned towards the direction of the noise, Gerome appeared, holding a freakin’ gun! Ray wasn’t sure if Gerome had really been prepared to shoot them, but thankfully Dief didn’t seem to have abandoned them completely.

He jumped in between, hindering any attempts of taking potshots at them, and Ray took a step forward when suddenly fucking flames erupted right in front of him.

He raised his hands to shield himself but the Mountie hadn’t gotten the memo that you didn’t play with fire and jumped right through.

“Fraser!” Ray called.

A moment later, the flames went out again and Fraser stood on the other side, unharmed. Well, mostly.

Ray’s eyes went wide. “Frase, are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

“…Sure, you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“The reason I ask is…you’re on fire.”

Surprised, Fraser looked over his shoulder at his burning pea coat and shrugged it off.

In a flash, Ray remembered almost singeing his fingers touching that voodoo doll. _Jesus_. Ray had not intended to set Fraser aflame! He’d thought to get him all hot and sweaty — not burning! Good thing he’d rescued that doll before it had started to smoke. He shivered. Really gotta be more careful with this shit.

At least Fraser hadn’t thought anything weird about it. Sadly, it had enabled Gerome to get away. Talking about Fraser…where had he gone to?

 

It took some time to find him, but when Ray finally did, he was talking to Momma Lolla. At least that conversation shed some light on the whole thing: Gutman had Laferette’s daughter. Now, that looked like a whole different ballgame.

~*~

 

When Ray finally made it home, he tried to ignore the doll for as long as possible. It didn’t turn out to be very long.

Ray bit his lip. This was getting borderline. He really, really shouldn’t be doing this. He reached out nonetheless and opened the red coat the doll was wearing. This was getting a little out of hand. Heh, Ray laughed. Oh yeah, just a little. Too late to stop this train now.

He put his hand underneath the coat and pushed it off. He stroked down the little chest and shook his head. This was quite definitely the weirdest thing he’d ever pulled; nothing to make you feel more like a pervert than molesting an innocent toy.

He couldn’t help looking forward to the next day, though.

 

~*~

If Momma Lolla was right and Gutman did indeed practice this dark voodoo then they should be able to find something. So they checked out a couple of places that were registered under Gutman’s name. At the second stop, not far from the place where they had first interviewed him, they hit gold.

“I think we’ve come to the right place,” Fraser remarked shortly after entering the building.

“Yeah? How can you be sure?”

“I smell pulverized eggshells, Cascarilla. It’s a powder commonly used for protection spells, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Okay...just be careful.”

They advanced through the factory-like building. One of the smaller rooms looked like a shrine out of a horror movie and Ray grimaced. People did this stuff voluntarily? Feathers everywhere, candles, and weird little figurines that gave Ray the creeps just looking at them.

A sudden tinkling of glass had Ray whirl around. He was just quick enough to see a man running for the hallway.

“Freeze!” Ray shouted, drawing his gun which, seeing that he was aiming at the guy’s back and the man obviously didn’t have eyes at the back of his head, didn’t impress the runaway much.

Fraser was a lot more effective, all that red stepping into the man’s path. The man stopped abruptly and dashed to the right, grabbing something from the table and throwing it at Fraser. It hit him fully in the face, coating his throat and jaw, and a cloud of white arose to envelope them both.

Ray started coughing and his eyes watered for a second. When the dust cleared, the man was gone.

Ray jumped to Fraser’s side.

“You okay? What the heck was that stuff?”

Fraser tried dusting his chest off with only limited success. “Ah, I believe it is a form of talcum powder, a simple distraction.”

“I’d rather not take my chances. Let’s go get him.”

Ray had already taken a step towards the exit when Fraser’s hand stopped him. ”I don’t believe the man poses a threat.”

“You don’t?” Ray asked, about to launch into a recount of what had just happened.

“I think he is on Mr. Laferette’s side. It is obvious that he was not supposed to be in here and that we startled him.” “Maybe he was just up to some bad ju-ju and didn’t want us to find out? You ever think of that?”

“The man attended Mr. Laferette’s service. I’m certain he would not betray him. Gerome is held in very high esteem by his community.”

Ray muttered ’community,’ expressing his doubts about that sort of gathering, but let it drop. If Fraser said he was one of the good guys then it was true. Fraser looked sadly down at his uniform. There was no way he'd get the dusty powder off without having it cleaned...for which he would have to get out of it, which meant — “I’m really sorry,” Ray said with a grimace. He and that stupid doll. He should’ve just let it rest! He hadn’t meant for Fraser to get doused with some mystery powder.

“Well, it’s hardly your fault, Ray.”

“Uh...but I — if I hadn’t startled him he wouldn’t have thrown that stuff.” Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

“You did your job, Ray. No one can ask for more. I seem to be unharmed; there's no need for apologies.”

“Good. Okay...so what was he looking for?”

“I’m not sure,” Fraser admitted. “We should pay Momma Lolla another visit. She might be able to provide us with some answers.”

“Sure, let’s go.”

On the way to Laferette’s apartment building, Ray noticed Fraser rubbing at his face. At a red light, Ray finally looked over and was about to ask what was wrong. “Christ!” Ray exclaimed. A red rash was covering the lower half of Fraser’s face, all of Fraser’s throat and then vanished into his serge.

“What happened?”

“Ah,” Fraser tugged on his earlobe. “It appears the powder was not mere talcum powder.” Fraser dipped his fingers into the powder and lifted his hand. “I’m afraid I seem to be having an allergic reaction to it.”

“Ya think?!” Ray said with another look at Fraser’s blotchy skin. Fraser sniffed at the powder.

“ _Do_ not, Fraser, I mean it, _do_ not lick it! God knows what it will do to your insides.”

Was that a smile on Fraser’s face? “I wasn’t about to lick it, Ray.”

“Good...we’re not far from the Consulate. Let’s stop there so that you can get out of those clothes.”

The itching must’ve been pretty bad because Fraser didn’t even protest much.

The Consulate was peacefully quiet and Ray bustled Fraser into the cardboard box he called an office.

“Does it hurt? It looks nasty,” Ray commented with a frown. “No, it’s just—” Fraser started getting rid of his lanyard and his Sam Browne. “Itching in a most uncomfortable manner.”

Ray grinned. That had gotta be one hell of an itch. He really shouldn’t find this amusing.

“You got something to scratch the itch?” His eyes danced with merriment while Fraser divested himself of his serge.

Fraser smiled. “Indeed I have, Ray. Although scratching is not a particularly recommendable treatment. I do have a salve though that I’ve made from the fat of a—”

“Zip it! No freakish ingredient lists! Trust me, the less I know the better.”

“As you wish.” Fraser unbuttoned his Henley and Ray forgot the joking comment he’d had on his tongue. Fraser was actually doing this. He was undressing right in front of Ray. It wasn’t exactly that Ray had ever thought Fraser to be shy and he had undressed readily enough that time he had smuggled Ray’s files out of the 2-7 when Calhoun had framed him, but Ray had never seen Fraser actually strip down to naked skin.

That doll…wasn’t that what he had wanted? Okay…not like this, but he had wanted Fraser to undress. Now he got his wish. How was it that we always imagined our wishes would turn out differently? 

Ray watched in silent awe as Fraser pulled his undershirt over his head.

“That powder really did a number on you,” Ray said quietly for need to break the silence.

Fraser looked down his chest that was mottled with red patches. “It seems the powder got underneath my collar...or it’s spreading,” Fraser concluded after a second’s pause.

“Well, it does sort of cover your face,” Ray said with a wince. He really deserved to be kicked in the head for this.

“Oh dear.” Fraser’s fingers explored his cheeks and he frowned. He reached for his Sam Browne and got a small plastic container out. “This should take care of the matter. In an hour I should have returned to a more natural coloration.”

“Good, good.”

Fraser dipped his fingers in the off-white concoction and began spreading it liberally over the patches on his chest.

“Wait—I can help you,” Ray heard himself offer. Fraser looked startled or maybe it was just surprise. “Because, you know, you don’t got a mirror in your office and you don’t wanna scare any tourist that got lost in the hallway outside, right?”

“Right. Good thinking, Ray.”

Good thinking had nothing to do with it, Ray thought guiltily. Fraser held out the jar and Ray held his breath – a mere precaution, really - before he dipped his fingers in the concoction.

Ray looked at Fraser and gently reached out to smooth the salve over Fraser’s chest. For a second, he met Fraser's blue eyes and couldn’t fully read his look. Not tense just...focused. Soft, too, no tightening around his eyes, the laugh lines all relaxed, and Ray gave him a small smile before he spread more of the salve over Fraser’s collar bone, slowing moving upwards to rub it underneath his ear. Ray took his sweet time, hoping his lingering would be mistaken for thoroughness.

“There, all done,” Ray murmured when he couldn’t possibly prolong it any further. His fingers mournfully left Fraser’s cheekbone.

“I — thank you kindly, Ray.”

Their fingers brushed as Fraser took the jar from Ray’s fingers and Ray felt his face heat.

“Uh...” Ray had no idea what he could say to make light of the sudden quiet.

“I’ll just be a second.” Fraser cleared his throat and took a step back.

Ray nodded and watched Fraser get a new Henley out of his closet.

It was stupid to think it meant something that Fraser let him see this and yet it felt like it was. Watching Fraser put his professional persona on with each bit of the uniform made the moment in which he had allowed himself to be undressed in front of Ray all the more profound. Or maybe Ray’s brain was finally crumbling after all.

 

When Fraser was finished, he looked up at Ray and gave him a small smile. Ray’s heart did an impromptu one-man-jive in his chest. “Thank you for your assistance, Ray. I feel much more comfortable now.”

And he looked somehow stupidly happy about that—red patches notwithstanding. Freak, Ray thought fondly.

“Glad to be of service,” Ray gave a two-fingered salute and he watched the lines around Fraser’s eyes tighten a tiny bit with suppressed laughter.

Maybe the doll thing wasn’t so bad after all.

 

 

Lately, Ray had the feeling they were even more in tune than usual. Like a well-oiled machine, a true duet, where one always seemed to sense the action of the other.

By the time they actually made it to Momma Lolla, Fraser’s red patches had completely vanished and the high collar of the serge hid any that might’ve still been visible. Ray gave a sigh of relief. The voodoo doll was supposed to be some innocent bit of fun, even though _fun_ didn’t really cut it. It wasn’t about entertainment…it was just making the most of a freak chance Ray would never ever get in real life otherwise. He never intended it to hurt Fraser.

 

In a few short sentences Fraser explained to Momma Lolla what had happened in Gutman’s back room.

“He was looking for his goui,” she said when he had finished. Ray frowned, but Fraser apparently knew all about gouis there was to know because he flicked his knuckle over his eyebrow and said, “I see. Would you be willing to send Mr. Gutman a message?”

Sometimes Ray really wondered what Fraser had done for fun in his childhood — studied to become a voodoo priest? Because there just happened to be a book on weird Haitian rituals in his grandma’s library? Ray shook his head.

Ray watched with a frown as Momma Lolla gathered a lot of stuff he really didn’t want to know by name to decorate, oh, just great, just what Ray’s day had been missing: a frikkin’ skull. They drove her to Gutman’s place and watched her leave with the horror decoration of modern interior design.

“Frase…you didn’t want to become a priest in your childhood, did you?”

Fraser appeared to be surprised. “Ah, no. While I have to concede that there are fascinating points to most religions I have never felt entirely comfortable with the concept. As I have told a desperate man before, I believe in destiny of your own making. It is very difficult to reconcile that with most religious beliefs.”

“Just checking…”

Fraser frowned and seemed to give it some thought. “Why would you think I wanted to be a priest in my past?”

Ray colored a little. He hadn’t really meant it like that…yeah, okay, he had, but he hadn’t wanted Fraser to know that. “Uh…you’re, you know…you never seem to have any problems with…uh.” Ray ruffled his already unruly hair in discomfort. “See, I’m a regular guy and I got — I got…needs…you know?” Ray glanced at Fraser hoping he didn’t have to get more explicit.

Fraser’s frown deepened. “Do you mean to say that I don’t have needs?”

“No, no, not at all, just…well, sort of.” Ray cringed. “Sorry, I didn’t — didn’t mean it like that.”

Wow, those blue eyes could really send you on a guilt trip. Ray grimaced.

“I assure you, Ray, I am just as much human as anyone else. I am acquainted with need and, occasionally, urges.”

Something in Ray twitched. He’d really like to discuss those urges a bit more. He didn’t want to insult his friend more than he already had, though. “It never shows,” Ray said by way of explanation.

Fraser sighed. He looked out the windshield and spoke again. “I have been told that expressing my emotions is not my strong suit.” He seemed to debate for a second before he continued. “There seems to be no sense in voicing my needs. We cannot always have what we want and in that case there is no need to advertise my desires to the world.”

Ray’s look was wide-eyed. He couldn’t remember Fraser ever sharing something as personal as that. Yeah, Ray could understand that. Had to be pretty hard for Fraser to look at a map of Canada and be presented with what he couldn’t have day in and day out. Pity sucked…Ray knew that better than anyone.

From the corner of his eye Ray noticed movement and he turned around to see Momma Lolla approaching the car again.

“He got the message,” she said when she reached the car. “Good,” Fraser said with a smile.

“Good?” Ray looked bewildered from one to the other.

“Mr. Gutman now believes Mr. Laferette is no longer afraid of him.”

“So?” Ray didn’t see the point.

“He’ll wonder why. That should lead us to Marie.”

Momma Lolla agreed. “You know I’m gonna work it. You find his goui.”

There was that word again.

“We will,” Fraser said confidently.

Ray finally caved. “Goui? What’s a goui?”

“It’s a vessel in which he keeps his pwin, his power,” Fraser explained patiently.

Great. More pieces of horror decoration.

 

Then, everything fell into place. Gutman came out of his office, looking decidedly shaken, and all they had to do was follow.

They found him in his voodoo shrine, shaking and singing, and then the whole troop around Gerome Laferette showed up and among all the weird shit on that altar Fraser apparently managed to find the one thing they had been looking for, his goui, which he gave to Gerome.

 

When the whole circus died down, Fraser checked the brick wall. Just like in the movies, the wall had a secret door. Ray had to admit, watching that family reunion was worth doing this job day in and day out.

 

Ray was riding a wild cocktail of emotions by the time he got home. Beat from a long day and a lot of weird stuff, elated about closing the case and bringing Marie back to her family, and frustrated because even though the case was closed his car was still missing.

Trying not to analyze it too closely, Ray sat down on his couch and held the doll up in front of him and marveled at the fact that he didn’t even feel like an idiot anymore. Apparently, he and Fraser had more in common than he’d given him credit for. Talking to thin air. Well, talking to a doll, but that was hardly an improvement once you had left elementary school behind you.

“I promise,” Ray told the doll, “this is the farthest I will go.” Ray wasn’t sure if he was making a deal with himself or if he was actually promising the Fraser-by-proxy that he would not sully his virtue any further. “It’s just,” Ray shrugged. “I can’t seem to help myself. I’m not noble, okay? I’m not that good a guy. But I swear this is as far as I’ll go.” Ray hoped he would be able to hold his own conscience to that.

He raised the doll to his face and pressed soft lips against the doll’s finely stitched black line of a mouth.

He couldn’t help feeling at least a little bit idiotic after this. He held the doll away from him again and rubbed his neck. Maybe Ray was the bigger freak of the two of them. So far, Fraser had only gone around licking stuff. Ray seemed to be the only one to start kissing stuff. And wasn’t that just typical?

 

~*~

Ray felt pretty good when they returned to the station the next morning where the whole Gerome case got wrapped up. That was, he felt good until his dad showed up. There was nothing for it: time to fess up. “Dad, I got something to tell ya.”

 

Learning that the car was alright – was, in fact, waiting for him basically right outside, made Ray feel almost weightless. He loved that car!

And…yeah, Fraser might be onto something, coming clean felt pretty damn good, too.

 

So good in fact that Ray couldn’t stop. He must’ve run through half his childhood sins before they reached the exit of the station. His dad left after the work on the car and Ray returned to his desk, fidgeting throughout the day, too nervous about the kiss that was going to happen at one point to ever sit still for more than a minute.

He was looking out for a sign, but nothing was happening. Well, except for the remains of the curse on the station…but Ray was really more worried about the kiss at the moment than about grass growing on his phone.

 

Feeling somewhat—okay, very—dispirited, he took Fraser and the wolf back to his apartment that evening. Maybe inviting Fraser over had been a last ditch effort for things to get going. Maybe he just couldn’t bear being alone that night. Or maybe he just wanted to spend time with Fraser.

He opened the door and allowed Fraser to precede him; after all, Fraser was all about courtesy.

Fraser placed his hat on the small table and turned around to wait for Ray.

Ray was toeing off his boots and shrugging off his jacket at the same time. He stumbled and tripped over his half-toed off boot. His hands came up to grasp for some hold and found a wall of red. Ray recognized the moment as if it had been framed in fat neon lighting. Fraser’s hand shot out to catch him and Ray angled his head.

Their noses mashed half-painfully and their lips connected at an awkward angle. This was not how Ray had pictured it.

Dief sounded like he was laughing.

Fraser’s arm helped right him again and Ray felt himself go hot with embarrassment as he looked at Fraser.

“Uh…sorry, I hadn’t meant to…” botch this up as spectacularly. So not cool, he felt 12 years old again and trying to impress someone way out of his league.

Fraser’s tongue came out to touch his bruised lip. His blush must be really spectacular by now, Ray reflected, judging from the heatwave emanating off of his face.

“Ray…” Fraser paused to gingerly rub a thumb over his lip and Ray felt dread pool in his belly.

“Was that—did you do that on purpose?”

Ray felt the room temperature drop several degrees as panic washed over him. “No! I mean, no! …why would I — why would I do that?”

“Oh.” Fraser processed that. “Of course, my mistake.” Ray could see Fraser pull himself back into his shell. Fraser took a step back and turned around to advance into Ray’s apartment.

“I did not!” Ray heard Fraser hiss at the wolf.

 

For a second, Ray was frozen in place. Was Fraser…disappointed? Huh. Gotta go with your gut. Gotta trust your instincts. Fraser had found his way into the kitchen and was apparently busy preparing coffee—of all things!

It was like dancing. You only had to anticipate the next move. If you and your partner were really in tune you could see the next step without even trying. Fraser finished filling the coffee-maker with water and turned around to get the ground coffee and Ray stepped forward, for all intents and purposes about to hand it to Fraser, and they ended up in each other’s space.

“Oh,” Fraser said very softly and Ray noticed that he wasn’t jumping back as if Ray had some nasty disease or Francesca was trying to brush past him, and he felt really good about this.

The doll had always worked its magic, even though not always as planned.

Ray’s gaze flicked up to meet Fraser’s for a second and he angled his face a tiny bit closer. He felt the smoothness of Fraser’s cheek underneath his own for a second before their lips brushed against each other.

Ray’s heart was beating all the way up in his throat and his fingers twitched nervously, not sure if they wanted to hold on to something or to get the hell away from whatever humongous mistake the rest of Ray was committing.

Ray didn’t try to deepen the kiss nor did he pull away. Fraser’s lips were moving very gently against his own.

Keeping his eyes closed from any repercussions that might unfold, he finally pulled back.

When he opened his eyes, he found Fraser looking at him with confused blue eyes.

“Ray.” Fraser did his lip-lick thing and Ray noticed Fraser’s startled breathing when he tasted him on his lips.

Ray didn’t say anything. He was afraid of what would come out of his mouth if he tried to. Holding back all the empty apologies felt like Dief trying to ignore a doughnut. This was the wrong time for a confession. His fingers balled to a fist in an effort to keep his mouth shut.

 

Fraser noticed and touched Ray’s fist gently, fingers closing over Ray’s hand.

If Ray hadn’t felt close to a heart-attack and preparing his eulogy in his mind, he would’ve thought Fraser’s shy smile the

most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen. But it wasn’t just in his head that Fraser’s face was coming closer.

Ray took in the shadow of Fraser’s lashes as he closed his eyes as if from a distance. He could already feel the warmth of Fraser’s face by the time he finally got with the program and moved closer to meet Fraser’s lips.

His heart thudded heavily in his ribcage when he felt Fraser’s thumb caressing the knuckles of his hand. It emboldened Ray enough to touch Fraser’s lips with his tongue. When Fraser let him in, Ray was almost sure heart-failure was a very possible death. It wasn’t that he could hear it beating that loud, but his pulse was a very conscious backbeat to every touch of their tongues.

This was so much better above water, and yet it was almost like flesh-memory; Ray remembered those lips. And again his lungs couldn’t match Fraser’s capacity. He only drew back far enough to catch a breath though before he pulled Fraser close again.

He felt Fraser’s hand stroking along his side; gentling him, maybe. When they finally did break apart, Fraser looked deliciously mussed.

They looked at each other with small smiles. Ray clamped down on his mouth’s desire to talk again – he was usually pretty decent with the relationship talks, but he was afraid his mouth wasn’t up to handling the adrenaline rush yet. Besides, he was scared shitless. It was entirely possible that his mouth would try to talk him out of the whole thing.

He counted on Fraser to say something, but Fraser seemed in a similar predicament.

Another few seconds passed and then both started to talk at the same time.

“You know—” “I should—” “You first.” “You first.”

Fraser smiled and Ray laughed somewhat breathlessly.

“I should finish making coffee,” Fraser repeated.

Ray nodded, “Coffee would be great,” trying hard not to be disappointed. What had he expected? A big declaration of love?

 

Ray sipped his coffee, unsure if what had just happened had actually been real. It just seemed so normal and Ray had no idea how he could recapture that moment.

That’s what he got for using that damn doll. Of course it was just a single moment that stood out — he’d kissed the doll, and therefore Fraser had kissed him, and that was all.

 

That night, as Ray was lying in bed, he managed to shrug off feeling let down. He could still treasure the kiss. Which he kept doing, over and over again, right until his eyes fell shut.

 

The problem was, Ray reflected in the course of the next day, that the kiss was the only thing he had to hold on to. Fraser behaved just like always and Ray didn’t know what to do.

 

Their shift was almost over and Fraser still hadn’t offered to spend the evening together. Ray tried to figure out in whose court the ball was…surely it was Fraser’s turn now? After all, Ray had initiated the kiss.

Ray chewed his bottom lip and frowned unseeingly at the report in front of him. But the kiss had only happened because of the stupid doll – why should Fraser have any desire to pick things up where they had left off?

So…if Ray took the first step now…it’d just be awkward.

 

In the end, Ray drove Fraser back to the Consulate and went home alone. Trying to pretend he wasn’t going to do it again was futile, so not thinking too much about it when he reached for the doll again was the best he could do. Ray lifted it to eye-level and tried to justify himself. He _had_ said he wouldn’t go further — and he wasn’t! He was _repeating_ himself. That was different. That _had_ to count differently!

The lips of the doll touched Ray’s own. Well, here went Ray’s conscience.

 

This time it didn’t even take all day until it happened. They got this new case, some missing art stuff, and the more Ray looked at it the more he figured it’s gotta be some sort of fraud. But since the whole case was a favor to someone up high, Ray thought it better to keep that theory under wraps for the time being. So, naturally, he went for the only place with some privacy.

 

“Ray?” Fraser asked, surprised, when they reached Ray’s destination.

“Just trust me,” Ray said with a wink and vanished into the dark recesses of the supply closet. Fraser followed and closed the door behind him.

There was probably more room than that in there, but Fraser still ended up in Ray’s space.

“Listen, Fraser,” Ray started and wondered how low his voice came out. Must be something about talking in dark spaces that made you believe you had to talk that way, too.

And then hair brushed Ray’s face and he only had time to draw a quick breath before Fraser’s lips covered his, hot and perfect and less hesitant than the last time.

Ray buried his fingers in Fraser’s hair. That stupid case could wait. It was a scam anyway.

 

When Fraser released his lips, he rested his forehead against Ray’s for a second. Ray heard him clear his throat and from the sounds of it, Fraser was straightening his serge. Ray grinned into the darkness.

“So,” Ray’s lips twitched, “Fraser, about the case…”

And just like that it felt like it always did. Gears spinning, those grey cells working overtime, and the two of them perfectly in tune.

 

With a sinking feeling in his gut, Ray realized with startling clarity that he wouldn’t be able to let the doll thing rest. How could he? This was what he’d wanted ever since — well, probably around the time of the boat incident, very likely even before that even though he hadn’t put two and two together then. All those issues about Fraser not trusting him and Ray himself so allergic to even hearing the word ‘logic’…all because inside of him it didn’t look logical at all and it didn’t make any sense why he felt the way he did…

 

Ages, for ages he’d wanted Fraser. Now he could have him, or, at least, a fair approximation of him. It was just kissing…he wasn’t hurting Fraser or anything. Wasn’t like Fraser was seeing anyone either. Really, overall it was just a harmless thing…and the kisses didn’t feel like Fraser was trying to fight it or hating himself for it! Harmless…really….

 

At least, that’s what Ray kept telling himself at night, alone in his apartment with that stupid doll always just within reach. It was too much to ask not to kiss it. Again. And again. Because Fraser kept kissing him. Again and again.

 

The TV was showing some old show, Ray even forgot what it was they were watching, as he sunk a little deeper into the cushions, leaning a bit more into Fraser and when he turned his head to flick a glance up at his buddy, Fraser was already watching him with this fond look. Ray didn’t need to do more than turn his head a little and there were Fraser’s lips, slightly parted, just waiting to meet his.

 

Oh! And there was the time when they confronted the instigator of the insurance scam — hadn’t he said it was a scam right from the start? Things got a little heated and, okay, maybe a bit out of hand – but how was Ray supposed to know the gallery owner carried a gun? How many art dealers packed heat? The bullet didn’t even come near him! Judging from Fraser’s intense look and the dark blue of his eyes, though, Ray was in a lot of trouble.

The moment the blue-and-white had taken the gun-wielding art connoisseur away, Fraser stepped really close and kept following even though Ray was already retreating with his hands held up in the – he thought – universal sign of surrender. Maybe Canadians used a different sign.

The wall hugged Ray’s back sooner than he had anticipated and he had his speech already prepared about how Fraser was always the reckless one, the one getting them shot at, so it should only be fair if Ray got to be the risk-taker this once, but he didn’t even get one word out.

 

“Ray,” Fraser said, and how that one word could sound like an answered prayer and a lethal threat all at once was beyond Ray. Being the smart guy that Ray was, he opened his mouth to give Fraser a piece of his mind, but never got the chance before Fraser’s tongue invaded his mouth.

 

Nothing polite about _that_ kiss. Phew. That tongue had some serious business to do and Ray moaned and clung to Fraser’s shoulders while Fraser explored his mouth as if he wanted to draw a map for posterity — really, totally fine by Ray!

Fraser was hard and strong in front of him and Ray didn’t even think of trying to get the upper-hand.

By the time they parted, Ray was panting and more than a little uncomfortable in his jeans.

“Ray, why didn’t you heed my sign?”

Ray tried to get his head screwed on right. “Sign?” He licked his lips.

“I motioned for you to step aside in order for me to disarm him!”

Ray was still busy thinking about Fraser’s tongue and trying to get back to the moment of the shooting was kinda hard to do. “That was a sign?” Ray croaked. He remembered Fraser jerking his head, trying to get rid of a kink or something. That was supposed to be a sign?

“We have to talk about universal sign language, Frase,” Ray said without heat.

“It would appear so.” But Fraser was looking mostly relieved and Ray figured this would not be something they would have to talk about again.  


The kiss from last night also kept replaying in Ray’s mind. Soft, almost chaste, but so sweet it almost broke Ray’s heart. Fraser had been about to leave, his hand already on the doorknob, when Ray touched his arm. The Mountie turned back to look at him and Ray took a step closer, right into Fraser’s private space, and angled his head. Slowly, he pressed his lips against Fraser’s.

Maybe it was the old Cinderella story, ya know? He walks out the door and the magic ends. Ray’s just a pumpkin and a few mice. So, maybe Ray did feel a little desperate about Fraser leaving, but when Fraser answered his kiss it was the most bittersweet thing Ray’d ever known. It was such a languid touch, almost as if Fraser was also sad to go, so that every time their tongues parted one or the other would gently bite at the other’s lip to bring it back.

When Fraser finally left, Ray did feel heartbroken of a kind. None of this was real. No matter how real those kisses felt.

Fraser wasn’t really into him and Ray just kept on deceiving himself.

 

It may have been that sadness that made Ray cradle the doll to his chest as he finally went to sleep. It may have been desolation that made Ray think he could keep Fraser close this way. Or it may have been a very human craving for comfort that made Ray hold the doll close instead of putting it into his drawer like he’d been usually doing.

All Ray knew was that he was tired, so tired of it all. Was it so much to ask for to be liked back? Not to mention how draining it was to enjoy kissing Fraser while turning a blind eye to how he was manipulating him.

 

There were strange shapes…and laughter…moving around Ray. Everything was blue, the same blue as Fraser’s pea coat, and Ray searched for someone, frantically, but everything was moving so slow…a monotonous siren interfered with Ray’s ability to think — beep—beep-beep — Ray jolted awake, disoriented, and looked around his bedroom and with some consternation at his alarm clock that was beeping shrilly. What a weird dream!

He tried to untangle himself from the sheet that was keeping him hostage and found the doll underneath his sheets. Ray’s mood took another dive. Stupid doll! Half-angry, Ray stuffed it into the lowest drawer of his nightstand and went into the bathroom to face the day.

 

The day dragged on forever and Ray just wanted to get it over with. He felt like he hadn’t slept at all and there was nothing interesting to do, just booking people and taking care of paperwork – which, at least, Fraser was all over because Ray might’ve just had to kill himself if he had to fill out all those reports!

 

When the end of his shift rolled around, several vertebrae in Ray’s back popped in response to his stretching. He just wanted to go home and crawl into a corner.

“Ray, would you like to join me for dinner?” Fraser’s soft voice brought Ray to a halt. He shouldn’t…he should just go home — alone.

“Sure, I’d like that,” Ray heard himself say.

Fraser’s smile looked pleased and a little relieved.

“What did you have in mind?”

Fraser bit his lip. “Do you have any objections to pizza?”

Ray rolled his eyes fondly. “You know my thoughts on pizza.”

“Right you are, Ray.” Seemed like it had been just the answer Fraser had been hoping for. Freak.

 

They ended up getting the pizza to go because Ray was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to look at Sandor all evening without losing it. So, pizza in the privacy of Ray’s own home it was.

And it was okay, Ray was okay, really, until, until he noticed the fine dusting of flour on Fraser’s bottom lip and he couldn’t look away.

“—and that is how Billy Morin found out that it hadn’t been a Caribou after—” Fraser stopped in mid-sentence with a puzzled expression. His eyes roamed Ray’s face and when he finally realized what Ray was looking at, he licked his lips.

“Ah,” Fraser remarked with a smile when he removed the fine layer of flour from his bottom lip. “Ray….” It sounded like a gentle rebuke for Ray not paying attention, but then Fraser’s face came closer.

 

Ray tried to say something, but nothing came out, and then Fraser’s fingers were in his hair, right at the back of his neck where they always caused a pleasant buzz that tingled down Ray’s spine. “Mhmm…” Ray couldn’t help himself. Fraser smiled a little.

No idea if Ray was drawn to Fraser’s lips by those big, gentle hands or if it was Ray’s traitorous body all by itself, but when he touched Fraser’s lips he just couldn’t break the contact.  

It was too perfect, too much what Ray wanted…too raw.

 

The kiss went on and without Ray knowing how he got there he suddenly noticed he was on his back with Fraser half on top of him. Those strong hands were skimming down his sides and smoothing back the strands of Ray’s unruly hair.

Fraser’s smell was all around Ray and Fraser’s tongue was still busy making intimate with Ray’s taste buds— “Fraser” Ray managed to gasp out in between kisses, but it only caused Fraser’s hands to get more adventurous.

Suddenly, they were underneath Ray’s sweater, tantalizingly wandering down Ray’s ribs with only the thin material of a t-shirt between Fraser’s fingertips and Ray’s skin.

“Ray…Ray…” Fraser kept murmuring and then Ray was being pulled to an upright position and he somehow lost his sweater and those hands were still everywhere all at once.

Ray tried to get his bearings but he might’ve just been groping Fraser in various degrees of urgency because the next thing he knew, they were stumbling off in the direction of his bedroom and Fraser’s lanyard was missing and the first few buttons of his serge were open.

They slammed into the frame of the bedroom door and Ray felt hot and jittery and not at all equipped for this situation.

“Ray…I want to…” Fraser murmured, skillfully maneuvering them into Ray’s bedroom.

Suddenly, Ray remembered! The doll! He had been a stupid asshole. He’d taken the doll to bed with him. He deserved to be quartered and fed to the seals at the aquarium. How could he have let this happen? Stupidstupidstupid.

 

“Frase…” Ray mumbled. Talking was kinda hard with those hands touching him in all the right places. “Frase…” he tried again. “We gotta stop.” No one would ever know what sort of a herculean effort it was to say those three words.

 

“Ray?” Fraser asked, confused.

“Stop,” Ray gasped. “Stop, I — stop.”

Anxiously, Fraser took a step back, only keeping contact by holding on to Ray’s arms. He appeared to be having troubles clearing his head, but his worried blue eyes fixed on Ray. “I’m sorry, Ray. I — don’t know what possessed me. I apologize for getting carried away.”

Which, of course, only made Ray feel even shittier than he already did because whose fault was it if not Ray’s and that stupid doll’s?

“Don’t, Frase. Don’t be sorry. We’re good. Just…gotta take a break here ‘cause…” Ray took a deep breath and then went for the plunge, “this…it’s, uh, it’s a bad idea, Frase.” He’d tried, at least. Couldn’t help it if his mouth decided to chicken out at the last moment.

Fraser’s brows drew together in a frown. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s…just…not a good idea right now.”

Might’ve been the urgency in his voice or Fraser saw something in Ray’s face, but Fraser’s look turned all earnest. “Ray…”

“Please,” Ray choked out. No one could make him throw Fraser out. Not when everything he wanted, _everything_ Ray had been thinking about for days and days, had been having Fraser naked in bed with him.

Fraser smiled slightly and pressed a chaste kiss to Ray’s lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ray.”

Ray had such a hard time swallowing it was difficult to produce any form of response.

Determined, Fraser put his Stetson back on and made eye contact with Ray before he left.

Ray sank down the wall, defeated. Fuck!

 

It took him a couple of minutes before he was able to draw a deep breath and get himself off of the ground.

They were good. Ray had not taken advantage of his friend. Everything was alright. Nothing had happened.

 

~*~

It was okay, really, getting through the next day. Fraser didn’t seem upset and they worked like normal. Checked a break-in and broke up a drunken brawl, all without a hitch.

 

“Ray, if you don’t mind my asking, are you still interested in watching the hockey game tonight?” Fraser asked shortly before Ray was about to call it a day.

Ray pushed a stack of…no idea, didn’t care…aside and tried to find the arrest form he was supposed to sign.

“Ray?”

“Hm?” Ray asked while searching a drawer.

He managed to hear the tell-tale rise at the end of a sentence that meant somebody had asked him a question. “Yeah, sure…” Where was that damn form?

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Huh?” Ray finally looked up and found Fraser smiling slightly.

“Well, it’s been some time since I found myself able to enjoy a game. I find that sport events are better experienced in a communal spirit. Sport thrives on the shared bond between the spectators and the proceedings on the screen.”

“Uh-huh, communal spirit,” Ray repeated with a lopsided grin. “Freak.”

“Understood.”

 

Wasn’t it strange how normal things could be? Ray took a sip of his beer and followed the bloody battle on the ice.

The kisses, the whole…bedroom… _thing_ didn’t seem to affect their duet. The conversations between them — everything — it was just like always.

 

It was a great game! Maybe Fraser was on to something; Ray definitely felt excited by their joined investment in the game’s outcome.

When the Blackhawks finally won, Ray slammed his bottle down with a victory cry and turned to look at Fraser to share the moment of triumph.

Fraser looked delighted and almost relaxed there, on Ray’s couch. Next thing Ray knew, they were kissing again. No idea who started it and inwardly, Ray was pretty sure it had even been him, but he didn’t want to look at it too closely.

“So good…” Ray gasped, running his fingers along Fraser’s jawline before he buried them in the thick, soft hair.

Fraser’s tongue probed deeply as he pressed Ray closer to him.

Those hands spread some serious heat over the expanse of Ray’s back. Ray battled Fraser’s tongue back to explore Fraser’s mouth for a change. The low sound coming from Fraser’s throat caused Ray’s cock to throb behind his zipper.

Fraser pulled Ray close by the neck, all that expanse of strong body stretched half-underneath Ray and if Fraser’s hands could talk they were saying “closer, come closer.”

 

Panting, Ray broke away. This was all going horribly wrong! Fraser kissed along his throat and Ray closed his eyes for a second. He couldn’t let this go on! This was not what Fraser really wanted! Ray knew that even if Fraser didn’t. 

In an attempt to get a grip, Ray managed to get a hand on Fraser’s chest to push himself up and away.

Finally, Fraser seemed to realize that Ray was not getting with the program any longer.

He gentled his touch until he was only running his hand up and down Ray’s back in a soothing manner.

“Ray?” Fraser’s voice wasn’t accusing.

“I…” Anger at himself waged a war against the honest desire to cry at the unfairness of it all. “Frase, I…”

The blue eyes appeared to be understanding and Fraser was nodding gently. “It’s alright, Ray.”

 

It wasn’t. Nothing was! Ray wanted to shout. He was an asshole who shouldn’t be entrusted with Fraser’s friendship — how was that alright? He needed to get a grip on himself!

 

Fraser would’ve probably stayed, but apparently Ray had exuded enough discomfort for his partner to take the hint. In the darkness of his own four walls Ray was at last able to disregard his own guilt for a second to look at a much more pressing matter: why did this situation keep happening?

 

He took the stupid doll to bed with him, so that’s where Fraser thought he wanted to go with him. And they almost had the day before. Shouldn’t that, dunno, have taken care of the issue?

Unless…and in that case Ray was truly fucked, unless the doll worked its magic until it got fulfilled? In which case…Fraser would try getting Ray into the bedroom until he succeeded. Which Ray couldn’t allow. Not if he wanted to look at himself in the mirror in the future.

 

Ray tried to be sensible about it. He didn’t invite Fraser over to his place and he tried to limit the time they spent anywhere private to a minimum.

Too much work, boxing, Ray used any excuse he could find. Four days later, however, Welsh dropped a folder onto Ray’s desk right as Ray was about to leave.

“Lieutenant?”

“Detective, these files need to be returned to the Canadians a.s.a.p., if you would be so kind.”

Ray frowned and stared at the brown manila envelope. “Fraser got these for us?”

“Indeed. However, he would prefer it if they were to make it back to the Inspector’s desk before she arrives for her shift tomorrow morning.”

“Are they classified?”

Welsh shrugged. “Not according to American standards.”

They both grinned. “But we wouldn’t want the Constable to get in trouble on our behalf, now would we?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll drop them off.” And dropping them off would be the only thing Ray would be doing. Go in, hand the files to Fraser, and march back out.

 

“Fraser?” Ray knocked on the front door.

A moment later, it opened. “Ah, Ray,” Fraser exclaimed, delighted. “Come on in.”

“I just — I got these files.” Ray offered them to Fraser.

“Thank you kindly. The delivery is much appreciated.” Instead of taking the damn thing though, Fraser just disappeared into the building. Ray sighed.

The Mountie didn’t stop until they were in his shoebox of an office.

Finally, Ray was able to hand him the folder. He was planning to leave — he really was. It was just that…Fraser had this look on his face, this half breathless anticipation, half intense focus and it was hard to look away.

“Fraser,” Ray started and he was pretty sure his brain had planned on finishing that sentence with any variety of ‘gotta go,’ but it came out like a plea and instead of going he stepped closer.

He should be stronger than this, Ray thought, frantically.

 

Maybe the problem was that he didn’t really want to be. Just because it was the right thing to do didn’t make it true.

He could smell Fraser, that unique scent of neatsfoot oil and a sunny winter’s day. They were close enough that Ray could even smell the warmth of Fraser’s skin.

It was Ray’s own fault; he shouldn’t have leaned into that inviting warmth. But he did and then his lips were so close to Fraser’s skin that it was too easy not to brush a kiss against it.

It was delicious, the way Fraser’s breath hitched. Suddenly, their lips met in agreed urgency, as if the last few days of abstinence had only served to fuel the magic Ray had been trying to stave off.

In a way, it hurt, the way Fraser didn’t resist, the way he simply gave Ray access. Fraser wasn’t supposed to want this. Fake, fakefakefake, none of this was real. And yet he allowed Fraser to stroke the sensitive skin along his ribcage, underneath his sweater, making Ray’s breath shake. Ray tried not to let his hands wander, to keep them firmly on the easily accessible suspenders of Fraser’s off-duty outfit, but that didn’t mean his fingertips didn’t gently rub against the white Henley, mimicking exploring the skin underneath.

Fraser’s low moan was heartfelt and Ray’s hard-on made it all but impossible to breathe.

 

“Ray, I, I don’t have a bed,” Fraser rasped into Ray’s hair.

Bed. Bed! The word reverberated around Ray’s head like a ball in a pinball machine. Bedroom. Right, the doll! Fraser was only doing this because of the damn voodoo doll!

Ray took a shaky step back, his hands falling from their death-grip on Fraser’s suspenders.

Wide-eyed, Ray looked at Fraser and he could see Fraser regretting ever having said anything.

He should be glad. Ray did not want to be the thing Fraser regretted most in life.

 

“Ray!” Fraser reached out for him again, probably to draw him close again.

“No.” Ray jumped another step back. “We can’t, Fraser!” He may have sounded a little hysterical, but it was really challenging to sound reasonable when your own cock wanted to strangle you. “You — see — it’s —” Ray mussed his hair. “You don’t even want this!”

Fraser looked confused. “I beg your pardon?”

Ray took a deep breath. “Trust me on this, Frase. You don’t.” He tried to put as much conviction as possible into it, but from the looks of it he wasn’t succeeding and he couldn’t blame Fraser — he couldn’t even give a good explanation!

 

For a moment, Fraser looked genuinely upset, but then he seemed to consider Ray very intently.

Ray knew that look. It was the one that would end with one of Fraser’s big suspense-laden revelations where no one else would’ve been able to piece the whole picture together.

“Fraser,” Ray tried, sounding a good deal more pathetic than he had hoped for.

Fraser shook his head. “It’s alright, Ray.”

Now it was Ray’s turn to look confused. That was all? “It is?”

Smiling a little, Fraser nodded. “Yes, we are, as you would put it, ‘good’.”

“Great. Greatness.” Ray was pretty sure he didn’t sound convinced.

In one swift move, Fraser stepped close again and pressed a gentle kiss to Ray’s lips. “Thank you for delivering the files.”

“Pleasure,” Ray mumbled, absent-mindedly, still puzzling over Fraser’s easy acceptance of his rebuke.

 

~*~

Hell. This was hell. Having what you want right in your reach and being unable to go for it; that was hell.

He should have known that Fraser’s acceptance had been too easy.

 

They’d ended up at Ray’s place because he had needed a serious change of clothing after the dumpster diving Fraser had made them do — no idea how Fraser still managed to look pure like the freshly driven snow, but Ray had needed a shower, like, yesterday.

 

And he _knew_ , he knew he shouldn’t even have let the kissing start because that spelled d- _ohshit_ - _ohhellno_ -m, doom right from the start, but there was Fraser, looking like he had never seen anything as good as Ray freshly showered, and it was _so_ easy to believe it was real…yeah, Ray was weak, no news here.

 

So the kissing started and it was perfect, like it had been every time, but something was different. Fraser was…gentler? More cautious? Ray fell into the kiss like Alice did into that rabbit hole.

“Ray, would it be alright if I touched your leg?”

Automatically, Ray nodded. What sort of weird question was that anyway?

Oh. OH. Fraser’s hand settled a little bit above his knee and his fingers began to draw careful circles. It was hypnotic and then the circles widened. Bit by bit, Fraser’s finger moved further up Ray’s leg with each completed ring. Fraser’s thumb joined in on the fun and insistently rubbed along the inseam of Ray’s jeans. It was maddening.

 

Some part of his brain noticed that he was breathing kinda hard, but it somehow wasn’t important enough to stop it.

“Ray…” Fraser murmured before he kissed him again, deep and unhurried.

Thankfully, Fraser wasn’t waiting for an answer. Instead, his free hand took one of Ray’s own and moved it to the identical spot on Fraser’s own leg. Gently, Fraser settled his hand over Ray’s and moved it in the same circles that Fraser’s other hand was inscribing on Ray’s leg. Slowly, their hands crept higher and Fraser pushed Ray’s hand closer against his leg.

 

Panicking, Ray stiffened his arm, intending to pull it away again, but Fraser responded by kissing him again and moved their hands a little bit further down again.

The one on Ray’s leg also didn’t advance further and something in Ray relaxed again.

The kisses were making him lightheaded and Ray would’ve liked nothing better than to undress Fraser here and now. Instead, he kept still and let Fraser move his hand over Fraser’s leg. Further up again, all the while mirrored by Fraser’s hand on Ray’s own leg and when that sure thumb stroked higher, almost reaching the groove where Ray’s erection was pressed tightly against the dark denim, Fraser put Ray’s hand close enough to feel the taut fabric of Fraser’s jodhpurs. Did Ray imagine the emanating heat that was teasing his fingertips?

 

Before Ray could collect his mental faculties again, Fraser once more slowly moved their hands further down. He broke the last kiss and removed his hand from Ray’s leg to run his thumb over Ray’s cheek.

“We should get back to work, Ray.”

“Yeah,” Ray croaked like someone who’d spent days in the desert without water. “Right.”

 

The next time that Ray wasn’t fast enough to diffuse the situation ended with him pressed against the hallway wall of his own apartment and Fraser was busy making intimate with his collarbone, gently teasing the patches of exposed skin.

“Mhm…Ray…” Fraser’s lips brushed his ear and Ray shivered. Strong hands pulled Ray’s fingers to rest in the small of Fraser’s back.

The blue shirt felt soft underneath Ray’s touch.

“You can touch me,” Fraser murmured and Ray’s hands instinctively tightened their grip.

How was he supposed to resist this onslaught? Lost, Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser and pulled him into a hug. “I can’t,” he pressed out. So close, Ray could bury his face in Fraser’s shoulder.

After a startled second, Fraser answered the hug. “Shhh, it’s alright, Ray.”

 

“Nothing’s alright,” Ray smothered the words into Fraser’s neck.

“Of course it is. Ray…” Fraser did the lip-lick and made eye contact. “There is nothing to be afraid of.”

“A-afraid?” Ray echoed stupidly. Being afraid hadn’t even occurred to him. “Afraid of what?”

“Ah.” Fraser looked uncomfortable. “Of, well, of being intimate with another man, I suppose.”

“I know that,” Ray snapped, half indignant.

“Of course you do,” Fraser amended.

 

They looked at each other for a moment, Ray’s brain working overtime. “Wait a minute! You thought — because I always stopped us — and — I don’t _believe_ this! You thought I was too chickenshit?!”

Fraser looked affronted. “There is nothing demeaning in feeling a certain, ah, hesitancy toward hitherto unexplored situations.”

Ray wouldn’t have any of it. “You thought I was chickening out of having sex with you because you figured I was some macho guy too scared to touch another guy’s dick?”

“Ah.” Fraser cleared his throat. “I was under the assumption you expected me to be uncomfortable with this new development.”

“Yes! Well, no!—listen, Fraser!”

“Ray, it is unfairly presumptuous on your part to tell me what I can and cannot be comfortable with.”

 

This stubborn man! Ray gnashed his teeth. “You wanna tell me you do this all the time? You wanna tell me you don’t want the family with the wife and the kids and the little house, well, cabin, I guess, somewhere in the woods?”

Fraser’s eyebrows drew together and spelled trouble. “I could ask you the same thing. I remember children being a not so unimportant part in your divorce, Ray. I don’t recall holding this against you.”

 

“No? See, maybe I just want to protect you from making a huge mistake!”

“You mean you are protecting yourself from trusting someone else!”

“Oh, that is rich! We back on the trust issue? You don’t think I trust you? Because—”

“ _Because,”_ Fraser interrupted, “if you do trust me, Ray, then you should trust me to make my own decisions.”

 

“This isn’t even you talking!” Ray exclaimed furiously, fingers jabbing at Fraser’s chest. “Just listen to yourself! You think this is what you want??”

Fraser’s jaw was set, but his voice came out quietly. “I am not ashamed of being aroused by a man. By you.”

That took the wind out of Ray’s sails for a second until he remembered why they were having this stupid discussion in the first place.

 

“Frase, none of this is real! You don’t really want any of this. You just don’t have a choice.” Finally saying it sapped Ray of all strength. He didn’t want to fight anymore. Dammit! He was sad and he was frustrated and damn miserable. And it was all his fault.

The story of his life.

 

“Why would you say that?” Fraser sounded hurt. “Ray, is it really so hard for you to believe that I’m aroused by you?”

Ouch. Direct hit to the solar plexus. And yes, not that he would tell Fraser that.

 

Ray took a deep breath. “You had better sit down.” Without waiting for an answer, Ray pushed away from the wall and moved into the living room.

Bemused, Fraser followed him and sat down on the couch.

 

“Fraser…whatever you think you’re feeling it’s not your own feeling, okay? – let me finish,” Ray forestalled when Fraser opened his mouth. “It’s all part of this voodoo hocus-pocus we had lately.”

“Ray,” Fraser had that look on him he always got when somebody said something incredibly stupid, usually Ray. “Even if a voodoo ritual could simply make someone feel the way I do about you, none of the voudun rituals we’ve encountered had lust as its purpose — most so-called love and lust rituals that people nowadays buy in voodoo shops are little more than colored talcum powder. Hardly a mind-altering substance.” Fraser smiled, apparently relieved the issue could be resolved so easily.

 

Ray shook his head and sighed. “Nothing like that. See, right when this case started I found a voodoo doll in my desk drawer. Looks just like you, I swear. I didn’t think it would work or anything, but when I spilled water all over it, there you were, knocking on my door looking like something out of a wet dream.”

At least Fraser seemed surprised enough by that comparison to let Ray continue. “And then…” Ray felt utterly exposed; this was it. The moment of truth. “I thought I could…use it to…damn, I’m so sorry.” Ray couldn’t look at Fraser. “It’s just I…I’ve wanted…for so long…and then…I put the doll under heat thinking it would work like the water, you know?” Ray flicked a glance at his friend, but Fraser’s face was unreadable.

“I overdid it a little and…next thing you know your coat catches fire. Then I thought I’d just make you, uh, make you take the clothes off…and you ended up doused with that itch powder and had to undress.”

“Ray—”

“Please, Fraser, I need to finish this!” Ray held up his hand in a plea for silence. “It all worked, you see…because…it all worked I…I know I shouldn’t have done it but I couldn’t stop myself. So, I…kissed it.”

“You kissed the doll?” Fraser said, honest surprise coloring his voice.

“Uh, yeah, not one of my prouder moments.” A discomforting heat was climbing up Ray’s neck.

“What did you do then, Ray?”

Ray rubbed at his burning neck and stared at the coffee stain on his carpet. “I kept kissing the stupid thing. But one night I…fell asleep with it.”

“I see.”

“You get it? I took it to bed with me! And ever since—” Ray motioned between the two of them.

“You think my wanting to be more intimate with you is prompted by your actions with the doll?”

“Exactly!”

Gently, Fraser leaned forward and reached out to touch the base of Ray’s thumb. Moving so slowly it was as if he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to spook Ray. “Ray…voodoo dolls are for the most part a Hollywood invention. And even if we do assume for a moment that they exist, this is not the way they work.”

“I know that! You think all of this didn’t occur to me? But how else would you explain everything that’s happened? How do you explain that it looks like you?”

“Can I have a look at it?”

Nodding, Ray jumped up and went to retrieve the doll. He handed it to Fraser and was surprised when Fraser chuckled. “I recognize this doll, Ray. I have to admit the likeness is uncanny, but I severely doubt it has been intended as a voodoo doll. This belongs to Francesca’s niece, Maria.”

“You sure?” Ray stared at the doll between Fraser’s hands.

“Most certainly. She must have left it at the station when Francesca brought Maria with her after picking her up from daycare. With your permission, I will return it to her tomorrow.”

 

Ray didn’t know what to think. All of that, just a coincidence? The voodoo doll was just a kid’s toy? He looked at his hands, trying to make sense of the whole thing.

 

“Ray?”

“Forget it, Fraser…it’s got to be the doll. Think about it, why else would you be trying to get me into bed?”

Fraser frowned at him. “I would assume that to be obvious.”

“Yeah. Voodoo.”

“You are a very desirable man, Ray Kowalski. I have found you attractive from the moment we met, well,” Fraser rubbed his eyebrow, “almost from the moment we met. I’m afraid the sudden substitution of Ray Vecchio was quite confusing and I was delayed from properly focusing on getting acquainted with you at first. You seem to harbor the misapprehension that I woke up a few days ago and found myself inexplicably aroused by you. I can guarantee you, Ray, this has by no means been a new feeling to me.”

 

Ray searched Fraser’s face. There were none of Fraser’s tells, he definitely wasn’t lying. “You probably feel that way because the doll gave you those feelings. You’re just trying for them to make sense,” Ray insisted.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that I have been attracted to you of my own volition?” Fraser exclaimed with the first note of exasperation audible.

“C’mon…you never gave me a sign that you were interested!”

“I wouldn’t say none,” Fraser said softly.

 

Ray had to admit there had been moments where he had almost allowed himself to hope that Fraser was on the same page with him. “Yeah? Why didn’t you ever act on it then?”

Fraser sighed. “I suppose I was waiting for a sign from you. I wouldn’t have put our partnership in jeopardy just to satisfy my own unrequited feelings.”

“I was always so scared you would see right through me,” Ray confessed.

“There were moments when I thought I could be sure, but…” Fraser hesitated. “Not sure enough to risk our friendship.”

 

They sat in silence for a few moments. With an audible release of breath, Fraser stood up and crossed over to where Ray was sitting and took a spot next to him.

“Fraser?”

“Do you still want to kiss me?” Fraser tried to smile, but he was too tense to pull it off.

“Yeah…” Ray admitted. He would burn in hell anyway.

“Then why don’t you?”

“ _Because_ ,” Ray stressed, “what if it only is the doll after all? I couldn’t — I wouldn’t—”

“Think about it, Ray. I kept kissing you, day after day—”

“Because I kept kissing the stupid doll!” Ray exclaimed furiously.

 

“You know, Ray, there is a very simple test to disprove your theory with the doll.”

“There is?”

This time the smile did pull at the corners of Fraser’s mouth. “Let me take you to bed and you will see that I will still want you afterwards.”

“That’s your idea? That’s your bright plan? That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! What if I’m right? You think about that?”

“It is merely logic, Ray. I can assure you that I will not hold you responsible for any emotional backlash I might suffer. I hereby absolve you of all such responsibility.”

“Oh, that is just — that is just fantastic, Fraser. That just butters my muffin!”

“I’m glad you think so,” Fraser chose to ignore Ray’s sarcasm in favor of bringing their faces closer together. “Ray…” The name was spoken low and it might have been a threat to finally shut the hell up, but Ray’s heart had erratically jumped up in his throat anyway when Fraser had pulled him close, so speaking wasn’t really high on Ray’s list of priorities.

 

Fraser’s tongue parted Ray’s lips and with a sudden squeeze in his gut Ray realized just how afraid he’d been of never getting to feel this again. His hands were happy just holding on, but Fraser’s, boy, they were getting really excited.

The moment those hands snuck underneath Ray’s shirt and touched his skin, a jolt sparked through him.

“Ray,” Fraser brushed his lips along Ray’s ear. “Touch me. Please.” And then, like an afterthought, “that is if you want to.”

Unfair, Ray wanted to cry, making it all about Ray’s wants — of course he wanted! Now it wasn’t about Ray protecting Fraser’s virtue, instead it was about Ray proving that he really wasn’t too chicken to show Fraser just what he was doing to him.

 

Daringly, Ray pulled Fraser’s shirt out of his jeans. Thank god he didn’t have to deal with the uniform. Touching Fraser’s skin felt like some sort of miracle. And Fraser — wow, talk about skin hungry. Fraser just moved into Ray’s touch, emboldening Ray to do more. Button by button, Ray undressed Fraser until his whole torso was bare.

Almost not daring to breathe, Ray bent to kiss the newly exposed skin. Experimentally, he licked a long stripe over Fraser’s chest, catching a nipple on the way, and ending halfway to his belly button. Fraser’s breath caught and his fingers quickly moved to divest Ray of his sweater as well.

 

Bare skin against bare skin sent tingles down Ray’s spine. When was the last time he had touched someone like that? When was the last time he had been touched by someone like that?

“Ray, Ray, Ray…” Kisses were trailed along Ray’s throat, down his chest, until gravity had to be obeyed and Ray settled back against the couch cushions to give Fraser better access.

 

“God, Fraser…” Ray gasped for breath.

“Can I, Ray, would you mind if I divested you of your jeans?”

Scrambling, Ray’s fingers tried to aid Fraser in getting the buttons open and the jeans down.

“C’m here, c’m here,” Ray chanted, deftly unbuttoning Fraser’s own jeans. That man knew how to get out of his clothing fast! Ray didn’t care about the stupid boxer shorts for the moment, he just wanted Fraser close. So he pulled and Fraser landed on top of him, touching him in all the right places.

 

“You’re hard!” Ray murmured, astonished. His hands roamed over Fraser’s back until he finally dared to place them on Fraser’s ass. Fraser’s chuckle at Ray’s expense was disrupted by a breathless moan.

“So are you,” Fraser panted, pressing against Ray’s own very noticeable erection.

“Told you I got the hots for you,” Ray moaned.

“So you did.” Fraser smiled and covered Ray’s lips with his own again.

 

“Ahh…” Ray had to break the kiss to pant for air when Fraser rubbed just _so_ against him, and again, and again. “Hah, Fraser…oh…” He pressed his leg against the back of the couch to provide some leverage so that he could push back.

„Oh.” Fraser had never made a sweeter sound than this slightly surprised ‘oh’ when they both moved in sync.

Coming in his underwear was a very probable outcome at this point, but Ray didn’t care; his hands were on Fraser’s beautiful ass and they had some serious friction going.

 

“Ray,” Fraser’s breath was wet against Ray’s skin and he sounded seriously winded. “I want…I want…more.”

That shocking confession had Ray shuddering with arousal. “Oh, yeah,” Ray gasped. “All over that.”

 

Slowly, Fraser managed to drag himself away. He lent Ray a hand to help him up.

“Bed?” Ray asked, checking for one last time.

“Marvelous.”

Ray couldn’t help it, he laughed slightly breathlessly. That was until Fraser stepped up close to him and pressed his body against Ray’s. That smothered Ray’s laughter and he turned dark eyes to meet Fraser’s.

Kissing, Ray danced them to his bedroom, guiding Fraser to the bed.

 

He leaned over him, enjoying Fraser’s openly aroused expression. “Gonna undress you now,” Ray promised. Those white starched boxer shorts needed to go. And then Fraser was lying there, completely naked on Ray’s bed.

“You…I…” There were no words in Ray’s head to describe the magnitude of being allowed to see Fraser like that.

Mesmerized, Ray’s hands glided up Fraser’s legs, closer to his erection.

Quickly, Ray withdrew his hands and applied them to his own underwear. He felt Fraser’s eyes on him and flashed him a quick smile before he settled over Fraser’s knees.

“You ready?” Ray asked. Fraser didn’t even get a chance to answer because Ray didn’t waste a second to bend down and lick the drop of precome off that was beading at the head of Fraser’s cock.

The way Fraser shuddered at the touch was more than a little gratifying.

 

“Ray, I—”

“Shh, I got you…” Ray whispered, lips touching the satiny skin of the gland. Secretly, Ray had fantasized countless times about giving Fraser head. Being able to take Fraser apart with nothing more than his mouth…god…Ray’s own cock throbbed in response.

 

Ray swallowed the head to a startled gasp from Fraser and he glimpsed Fraser’s grip tightening on the sheet. Fraser’s whole body went tense and Ray’s smile stretched over Fraser’s cock.

There was something incredibly erotic about blowjobs and the way Fraser was trying to cling to his self-control below him. Ray didn’t care if Fraser held on or not; he was in the zone, mouth gliding up and down the silky-wet skin with Fraser’s rapid breathing as backbeat to guide him along.

 

Ray’s own cock twitched and even without looking he knew that he was leaking.  

It didn’t matter. Not with Fraser so close to shattering underneath him. He was noticeably trembling, so Ray placed calming hands along his sides. “Hah…Ray…” The touch seemed to simply push Fraser closer to the edge.

Ray’s hands roamed in random patterns over Fraser’s upper body, getting off on the way Fraser tried to hold on.

“Ray— _ahh_ —Ray—” The knuckles were white where they held onto the sheet.

 

Ray used both hands to pin Fraser’s hips to the bed and then he relaxed the muscles in his throat and went down as far as he could take it.

Fraser’s heavy breathing was taking on a new urgency and Ray stepped up the game and bobbed his head quickly, always instantly swallowing him back down again and Fraser’s whole body stiffened.

Ray opened his eyes to watch Fraser bite his lip, as if that stifled the moan that was building up in his throat.

Fraser threw his head back and bucked helplessly— coming in Ray’s mouth and making Ray’s cock ache with the beauty of it.

 

Slowly, Fraser’s fingers lost their death-grip on the sheet and he angled his face so that he could look up at Ray. Whoa, talk about fuck-me eyes, such a dark blue.

“Ray.” Fraser’s voice was low and the command in it had Ray bend down to press his lips to Fraser’s in silent reassurance.

That kiss might’ve killed a few brain cells, probably nothing too vital.

The strong grip on his neck prevented Ray from breaking the kiss, heating Ray’s turned-on body even further.

 

The breath he took through the nose was shaky at best, but it was nothing compared to the sudden breathlessness when Fraser’s hand curled deftly around his aching cock.

He whimpered into the kiss, rocking into Fraser’s hand without meaning to. Fraser didn’t seem to mind, leisurely rubbing his tongue against Ray’s while his hand built up a steady rhythm.

Ray was so caught in the feedback loop he didn’t even notice the half-moon crescents his fingers were leaving on Fraser’s chest.

When Fraser’s hand left his cock Ray felt about ready to weep. Instead of abandoning him, his hand wrapped around Ray’s balls, gently pulling on them.

 

At this point Ray couldn’t even tell if he was still breathing. His cock was heavy enough to be made of steel and he felt himself dripping on Fraser’s belly while Fraser fondled his balls, with one finger stroking along the perineum.

Fraser kept this up, alternating between pulling on Ray’s cock and caressing his balls, and Ray just couldn’t take more of this overload.

 

When Fraser’s thumb teased the head, spreading the wetness around the rim, Ray shuddered with the force of his orgasm. He might have moaned into Fraser mouth, he had no idea. Everything went white for a second.

The next thing he was actually aware of was lying mostly on Fraser who was cradling him close, not minding the general stickiness, and murmuring indistinguishable things into his hair.

 

“That was…” Ray slurred after a few seconds, minutes, hours, who cared?

“Indeed.” Not sure if he had ever heard Fraser sounding this relaxed.

With superhuman willpower Ray cracked his eyes open again to have a look at his friend. Fraser was…well, sprawled was probably the best word for it, sprawled over the bed, loose-limbed and smiling faintly. Nobody would believe Ray. Ever.

 

Fraser made a fairly comfy pillow. Warm skin underneath Ray, the smell of Fraser mixed with sex, and he could feel Fraser’s steady pulse beat against his fingertips that were resting in the hollow of Fraser’s throat. _Ray_ didn’t even know when he had last felt this relaxed…

 

He had no intention of moving, but thankfully Fraser didn’t seem to be inclined to either. Ray couldn’t swear they hadn’t dozed off, they must have, but at one point he noticed Fraser swallowing dryly. After the third time, Ray stretched.

“Be right back,” he murmured and tried to extricate himself from the delicious tangle of limbs and sheets.

 

While the tap filled the glass with water Ray realized that he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nervousness gnawed at his gut and he half-expected to hear Fraser leaving.

The glass was full without any sound coming from the bedroom. Ray wet a washcloth down and returned to the site of his possible doom.

 

Lazy eyes opened to the sound of Ray’s entering. Fraser smiled at him, casually taking in Ray’s nakedness.

“Uh, I brought you water. And—” His neck prickled with heat as he looked down at the dripping washcloth.

“Thank you kindly, Ray.”

 

Ray knelt down on the bed to hand the glass to Fraser, who drank half of it in one gulp. He put it on the nightstand and took the cloth from Ray’s hands. With simple efficiency, Fraser cleaned himself up with just a few swipes.

In mid-movement, Fraser stopped. “Oh, my apologies, Ray.”

“Huh?” Before Ray could even form a fully developed question, the warm cloth made contact with his skin as Fraser began diligently cleaning him.

 

“Oh,” Ray said dumbly, staring at Fraser’s hands moving over his body. Fraser took his sweet time about it, too. Gently cleaning the short pubic hair before the warm cloth was applied to Ray’s dick.

“Oh,” escaped Ray again quite helplessly. “Fraser—” Ray said warningly while drawing a shaky breath.

But his cock was already perking up at Fraser’s careful ministrations.

Fraser made a happy sound and leaned in to kiss Ray languidly. Ray fell into the kiss like somebody being submerged under water. His hands explored the strands of Fraser’s hair, the wide shoulders, the smooth skin of his chest, mapping the broad back, all the time wondering how long any of this was gonna last.

 

Fraser let the cloth drop and placed warm hands on Ray’s ass. Ray’s breath hitched. The hands pulled Ray closer until he was almost kneeling over Fraser’s lap. They kissed again and Fraser’s fingertips softly teased the cleft between Ray’s cheeks. Nothing invasive, just trailing his fingers along, dipping in between ever so slightly, until they could cup his cheeks and tease his perineum before wandering back up again.

 

Ray broke the kiss panting, pushing his knees further apart, so that Fraser’s fingers reached deeper, ghosting over his hole, and Ray moaned softly.

“Ray?” Fraser had acquired a voice that only years of tobacco and liquor abuse could bestow on you. Or being a Mountie and having sex, apparently.

“We’re on the same page, Benton-buddy,” Ray murmured, sounding as winded as if he’d been chasing a suspect on foot through half of Chicago.

 

That statement treated Ray to the very routine picture of Fraser putting his own fingers in his mouth. Only this time Ray’s heart tried to beat out of his chest at the sight. There was something about knowing where those fingers were going to go instead of knowing where they had been that made Ray glad the thought hadn’t occurred to him in earlier situations. Might’ve been inconvenient.

 

The glistening fingers were returned to Ray’s ass and a second later, Ray relaxed his muscles in answer to the intrusive pressure of one spit-slick finger.

“Mhm…yeah….” Ray closed his eyes. It had been way too long since he’d done that.

The finger moved in and out of Ray easily enough when a second one pressed against Ray’s entrance.

Two fingers gave Ray the desired pressure behind his balls. Experimentally, he squeezed, teasing himself with the tightness of it. Fraser reached down with his other hand, gently stroking the rim and Ray gasped. “Jesus…Frase…”

 

Relentlessly, Fraser moved his fingers, wiggling them against the vicelike grip, and with every time they entered him it got easier. Hot all over, Ray panted, “Should’ve slobbered down three of your fingers.”

Fraser’s tongue touched the crooked tooth at the corner of Fraser’s mouth, giving him a shrewd look. “Would you mind lying down?”

Ray grinned lazily and climbed out of Fraser’s lap. Luxuriously, Ray stretched out on his stomach.

 

He felt Fraser lean over him, and the next moment Fraser pushed his legs apart and strong hands pulled Ray up at the hips. Something like shame washed over Ray at being exposed like this, but it was accompanied by such a strong surge of arousal that it became momentarily hard to breathe.

 

A wet finger entered Ray again, making Ray’s spine curl. The second finger came back a minute later. Fraser’s legs spread Ray’s even further, and suddenly, hot air ghosted over Ray’s sensitive skin. Hair tickled for a second before something soft and strong lapped wetly at Ray’s entrance.

Ray’s eyes widened for a second. He pulled the pillow close and buried his groan into it. Fraser was licking him!

The fingers inside of Ray scissored, giving that sharp tongue a golden opportunity to stab deep into him. Ray bit the pillow just to keep his sanity.

 

Soon enough, the tongue had Ray talking. Alternating between wide soft licks and spearing jabs had Ray blithering.

“God…please…more, c’mon…” Ray was chanting into his pillow. Sweat beaded over the wiry expanse of his back. “C’mon, fuck me…just…fuck…please…anything, you have no idea what your tongue feels like…” He’d never felt this close to sobbing. He’d never felt this close to coming while knowing he wouldn’t actually be able to.

 

“Frase…yeah…fuck me…god…please…Benton…fuck” The pillow was soaked by now and Ray was dying for some friction on his cock. There was a wet spot the size of a dime beneath Ray’s dripping erection of which Fraser informed him in roundabout fashion a second later. With a last flick, the tongue abandoned Ray causing something like a whine to rattle Ray’s hoarse throat.

 

“Dear god, Ray…” Fraser murmured behind him. Warm skin enveloped Ray as Fraser molded himself against him. “You’re wet all over.” The low voice was thick with arousal. A kiss was pressed between Ray’s shoulder blades. Ray pushed back to get more of Fraser’s skin into contact and felt Fraser’s cock nestle against his ass.

Ray groaned pitifully. “I swear, Fraser…” He panted, interrupted by a moan when that cock slipped between his cheeks. “If you don’t fuck me right now — ahh, holy _fuck_!” Fraser’s fingers curled around Ray’s cock.

 

“Lubrication.”

“Drawer — the drawer!” Ray gasped.

Nothing had ever sounded as good as the click of that cap. Fraser’s hiss made Ray feel a bit better.

“Ray.”

The blunt pressure of Fraser’s cock was a welcome edge to Ray’s otherwise blurry high, riding the endorphins in his blood. Ray opened up for him — because when it came to Fraser had Ray ever had another choice?

 

When Fraser bottomed out Ray felt impossibly full. Fraser’s heavy breathing exploded in gusts of hot air over Ray’s back. Ray lowered his head and relaxed. Fraser’s cock inched a tiny bit deeper and then Fraser moved.

The hands on Ray’s hips were strong and the rhythm steady, belying the urgency carried in Fraser’s breathless moans and the tension in his body.

Ray shifted, raising his ass even higher to take as much of Fraser as he could and that took the last vestiges of control away.

 

It caused his breathing to stutter, the force with which Fraser slammed into him. Fraser’s thigh pressed against Ray’s, forcing Ray to open up even further by moving his leg more to the side and Ray’s breath was knocked from his lungs.

“Fuck. Oh—oh, fuck, don’t stop!” Ray moaned again into the abused pillow as Fraser kept rubbing against that spot that made his cock pulse.

 

Fraser’s arm slid over Ray’s abdomen, holding him effectively in place, battering that spot with unerring accuracy.

Ray was smothering his litany of moans into the mattress, toes already curling, and when Fraser’s hand gripped his cock and jacked him Ray came spilling all over Fraser’s hand. He was only half aware that Fraser pushed him harder into the mattress, frantically pounding into him, because his body was still wracked by spasms.

 

When Ray finally collapsed, he became dimly aware that Fraser was spooned behind him, attempting to catch his breath.

“Breathing kinda hard there, buddy,” Ray croaked.

A sloppy kiss was pressed against Ray’s neck. He already had a smart reply on his lips, but he must’ve fallen asleep before he could utter it.

 

With a feeling of disorientation, Ray woke up. The light filtering in from outside meant it was still early. Half-expecting to find Fraser gone, Ray looked around. There he was, just a few inches away from him, Fraser’s arm almost touching Ray’s chest.

 

He spent a few minutes just watching Fraser breathe. Now what? He could get up, take a shower…and then? Just pretend nothing happened? Act like they were lovers now?

Maybe he could pretend he was still asleep? …nah, Fraser would never buy it.

 

He could leave a note and go out. Right. Saying what? He’d gotten an urgent case? And figured his partner needed his beauty sleep? 

There was also the possibility of waking him up with a blowjob. Might put Fraser in an amicable mood for whatever conversation was looming on the horizon. Might also bring a shiner Ray’s way.

 

“Mh….” Fraser stirred and Ray held his breath. Fight or flight?

Fraser opened his eyes, not looking as sleepy as someone just having woken up should.

“Ray!”

“Hey.” Did that mean Fraser was surprised to find himself in Ray’s bed?

 

Fraser looked at him. “Is something wrong?”

“Wrong? No, what should be wrong?” Ray tried to shrug, not the easiest gesture while half-lying down.

Fraser cocked his head. “How do you feel?”

“Fucked,” Ray said automatically. An apologetic grin whispered over his features. “I’m good, Frase.”

The worried frown that had taken up residence on Fraser’s face smoothed out again. “I’m glad to hear it.”

 

“How about you?” Ray’s insides turned into knots.

“I’m…happy.” Fraser himself sounded surprised by that.

“You’re…? Wait! You remember everything, right?”

The laugh-lines around Fraser’s eyes deepened even though he wasn’t outright grinning at Ray. It was enough to tell Ray that, yeah, Fraser had been present for the fuck-fest.

 

“So, how do you feel about…uh, me?” Breaking eye contact was for chickens. But that collarbone really was very appealing.

“My feelings for you remain unchanged.”

“You sure about that?” Ray asked dubiously.

“Ray, how often do you need me to make love to you to make you believe I am not under a voodoo curse?”

Did he just say — or was that just Fraser getting around saying ‘sex’? Confused, Ray opened his mouth not sure what he was going to say.

 

Fraser shook his head and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Ray’s lips. “Invite me back tonight and I will prove it to you.”

Ray latched onto the first thought that came to his mind. “Why not now?”

Fraser’s smile was fond and amused. “I’m afraid I cannot take responsibility for tardiness and we are due at the station in” –  one glance at the clock – “exactly 53 minutes.”

 

“I don’t need breakfast,” Ray offered, earning a chuckle from Fraser. “Your body does and you will need at least coffee.”

Another brush of lips and then Ray had the pleasure of watching a naked Benton Fraser amble out of his bedroom. Amble, Fraser ambled. Jesus, but sex suited him. 

 

~*~

It should’ve felt stranger, driving to the station together. But after all the weird shit in the course of their partnership this didn’t even produce a blip on the radar. Even without trying to count Ray could think of at least two cases which had them waking up together. They really were sort of living in each other’s pocket.

 

So the whole thing with the doll had been bogus? The question kept running through his mind all morning. For one thing, it meant that Ray should technically be dead from embarrassment. But it was also a little too convenient to have just been a coincidence – again and again.

 

Yet, Fraser seemed so sure. Ray’s eyes roved over his friend for a moment. Who knew the sort of hot stuff Fraser was hiding underneath that uniform? Ray had been carrying a flaming torch for that man for longer than was probably healthy and not even he had imagined Fraser to be this… _unrestrained_ in bed.

Fraser’s eyes met his and Ray smiled apologetically and fixed his gaze on his work again.

 

What if Fraser was wrong, though? Shouldn’t they, like, destroy the doll or something? Maria would survive it…after everything Ray’d done to that doll he felt like a pervert about handing it back to an 8-year-old anyway.

How to destroy a voodoo doll without harming the connected person?

 

Ray studied Fraser, hoping the answer was hidden in one of his many pockets.

The clearing of a throat called Ray’s gaze further up until he met Fraser’s eyes. Offering another smile, Ray turned back to his computer screen.

 

Ray held the stack of files in his arms and considered the possibility that Fraser was right. The doll was just a toy. Sure. Great…and Fraser was really into him. Like, really, into him. Gandolpho from _Sordid Desire_ into him. That was just crazy. The one thing Ray had implicitly understood when he finally cottoned on that he was crushing on Fraser was that there was no chance Fraser would feel the same way. Maybe when Canada only had one season; 95 degrees of eternal summer.

 

Really, how was it possible that Fraser could want him back? And Ray wasn’t even touching the love thing here. Sadly, nothing was written on Fraser’s forehead that would help Ray with that sort of investigation.

 

Fraser sighed and fixed Ray with a look.

“Ray?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“You are staring at me.”

“Looking.”

“Ray.”

“Gazing.”

“Ray.”

“Observing.”

“Ray.”

“Eyeing?”

“Ray!”

“Okay, fine. Staring.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Ray, if I may ask, why have you been staring at me throughout the morning?”

“Just thinking about the doll.”

Fraser slowly shook his head and pushed away from the desk. “If you’d be so kind as to follow me.”

 

Puzzled, Ray looked after Fraser. Ray went after him with a certain amount of confusion. Fraser held the door of the supply closet open.

“After you.”

Ray nodded and went inside. The door closed, cloaking them in darkness.

 

Warm fingers found his chin, followed the contours of his face, and then pulled at his neck, so that Ray stumbled a step forward until he stepped into Fraser.

The fingers returned to his face and smoothed over his cheekbones. Dry lips met Ray’s for one long perfect moment until they withdrew.

 

“Ray, when was the last time you kissed the doll?”

A remote part of Ray felt that he should feel deeply embarrassed to even be asked such a question. The biggest part just felt really guilty that Fraser had cause to ask it.

“Uh…before we reunited Gerome with his family, I think,” Ray tried to remember.

 

Ray was rewarded with another touch by those lips. They stayed longer than the last time, too.

“How often have we kissed since?”

“A lot. Not like I’ve been counting!”

“Do you see? It’s not the doll; it’s you, Ray.”

Ray remained quiet. Was it really that simple?

“You are a stubborn man, Ray.”

Ray smiled in the dark. “Pot-kettle.”

 

It was unreal the way Ray knew exactly what Fraser looked like right in that exact moment. From the stubborn set of his jaw to the assessing eyes, Ray didn’t need any light to see it.

 

“Will you let me return the doll tonight, so that we can put this curse theory of yours to rest?”

“You think that ranks up somewhere with your good ideas?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

If Fraser truly believed in something there was no point in trying to change his mind. “Fine.”

 

~*~

He would’ve been lying had he claimed that he wasn’t nervous. Sure, Fraser had been so certain about the damn doll, but the ‘what if’ was hard to silence.

 

Pacing his living room yet again did not help alleviate the tension humming through Ray’s body. It was entirely possible that Fraser would never show up. Maybe the doll was voodoo and the moment Fraser handed it to Maria he would wake up or whatever one did after a curse ended and have a whole new look at their late night shenanigans. The kinda look that, maybe, made Fraser rethink their whole friendship. And be disgusted with Ray and hate himself — and Ray, for taking advantage — oh God! Even worse…Ray hadn’t only taken advantage. Ray had MADE Fraser do all that stuff! It was a wonder Fraser hadn’t clocked him one regardless of what he thought his feelings were – just on the principle that Ray would dare do something like that to him.

 

So, what should he do if Fraser didn’t show up? Go to the Consulate? Try to apologize? Maybe he could — the doorbell caused half a heart attack. Christ. Ray’s heart was tied in knots when he pressed the buzzer for Fraser to come up.

 

Ray opened the door and looked into the hallway. When he caught sight of Fraser ascending the last few steps, his heart froze with anxiety.

Fraser finally reached him, but the look on his face did not release Ray’s heart from its panic-induced state.

 

“Frase?”

“Good evening, Ray.”

“Well? Did you return the doll or what?”

Fraser rubbed his eyebrow and tugged at his collar. Oh boy. That was not encouraging.

“I did, ah, that is I tried.”

“You tried,” Ray echoed with a sinking feeling.

“May I come in?” Fraser looked around the hallway and nodded politely at Mrs. Damiano who was spying through the crack in her door.

“Sorry.” Ray winced and stepped back to let Fraser enter.

Spinning his hat, Fraser took a spot on Ray’s couch.

“Spill! You’re making me antsy.”

 

Ray could already see all of his worst fears coming true.

 

Fraser’s tongue came out to wet his lips and he gave Ray an impenetrable look. “I went to the Vecchio house. Francesca opened the door and I stated the reason for my visit. She was kind enough to bring her niece to the door. I…” Fraser cracked his neck.

 

“You what, Fraser?”

“I asked her after the whereabouts of her doll.”

“And? You’re killing me here, Frase.”

“Maria was not missing her doll.”

Ray sat there stumped. Watching the whole scene as if from very far away. He could see the whole showdown. The accusations. The fight. Fraser leaving.

 

“I described the doll I had found and Maria swiftly procured the doll in question from her room.”

All blood had probably drained from Ray’s face. He definitely felt light-headed. “Then what?” He had to wet his lips in order to get the questions out. He had been right after all? The guilt that came back with that knowledge had Ray trying not to puke.

 

Fraser threw Ray a worried look. Ray wasn’t sure if the worry was addressing the situation in general, the way Ray felt like he was made from paper, or Fraser’s own role in the whole thing. Oh God! He’d had sex with Fraser against Fraser’s will!

“I — I talked to my f — ah, that’s not important right now. I talked to someone with a better understanding of…otherworldly…phenomena…” Fraser looked earnestly at Ray and Ray wasn’t sure if he could keep a lid on the panic until Fraser’s story had finished.

“And? What did they say?”

 

***

“Don’t be ridiculous, son. I had imagined such superstition from the Yank, but I thought I had raised you better than that.”

“Technically, Dad, you haven’t raised me. You were never there.”

“True enough. Although you didn’t need to take up every American custom you encounter just to spite me.”

“I simply don’t have a better explanation for it.”

 

“Just because you share the Yank’s bed doesn’t mean you have to share all of the nonsense that goes through his head.”

Fraser colored slightly. “I didn’t know you were aware—”

“I’m dead not blind. Besides, you two were loud enough to disturb people far deader than I am.”

“I, ah, apologize.”

“No need to apologize, son. A healthy sex life is the sign of a grown man.”

Fraser tugged at his collar. “I’d really prefer not discussing this with you.”

“Oh, don’t be so prudish.”

 

“So, it is not a voodoo doll then?” Fraser asked, trying to get back to the original subject.

“How would I know? I’m not one of those spiritual guides people always seem to expect in the afterlife.”

“You can’t help me then?”

Bob nodded at the doll in Fraser’s hands. “I can assure you that doll has no special powers.”

“Are you quite certain?”

“Son, do you feel under someone else’s influence?”

Fraser thought about this. “Not particularly.”

“There you go.” Bob smiled. “But if you want, I can most certainly take care of it.”

 

“You would?”

“Of course. I’m not saying you should indulge these superstitions, son, but the afterlife is a convenient place to lose track of things. If you ever come across a small wooden box with a carving on top, by the way, do let me know. I’ve been trying to find it for ages.”

“I see. Thank you kindly. And I will.” Fraser handed the doll to his father.

 

“Think nothing of it. Tell the Yank to stop being so emotional about the whole thing. It’s not healthy.”

“I — I will do that, thanks.”

“Good luck, son.”

Fraser looked at his father with surprise.

“What? Just because I wanted grandchildren doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be happy.”

“I — thank you.”

 

***

“Fraser, you’re killing me here! What did he say?” 

“Ah, he — took care of the matter.”

“He took care of the matter?”

“Yes.” Fraser bit his lip.

“So, the doll is not affecting you anymore?”

“No, I don’t think it is.”

 

Just this evening might’ve cost Ray years of his life. “And? Like, what do you think…about me, I mean?”

Ray had never felt closer to dying of heart failure.

 

“I would very much like to kiss you.”

“You would?” Ray couldn’t help the surprise in his voice.

“I don’t understand the origins of that doll, Ray, but I know that the way I feel about you hasn’t changed.”

 

“You think?” Ray’s heart was trying to imitate a hummingbird.

“I’m positive.”

“You sure?”

“I’m certain.”

“…really?”

“Undoubtedly.”

“Wow. Okay.”

 

With a nod, Fraser stood up and Ray automatically followed suit. Ray hoped there was courage to be found in oxygen and took a deep breath before he stepped up close.

 

Deliberately, Fraser’s hands came up to rest on Ray’s arms. Their mouths met halfway and Ray clung to those lips until his lungs gave out. Fraser’s tongue seemed to have no less urgent business.

When they finally parted, even Fraser was breathing hard.

 

“Ray, I—” Suddenly, strong arms pulled Ray into a hug. He could feel Fraser’s lips in his hair.

Ray squeezed back. He knew how Fraser felt.

“I know,” Ray mumbled.

Fraser drew back to look at Ray’s face. Ray watched Fraser’s lip being abused by some perfectly white teeth.

 

“I want—” Fraser got that stubborn look on his face, but the words seemed to be stuck in his throat. It took Ray a second and then he started to grin. This had got to be good.

“Everything as long as you can say it.”

Fraser’s bottom lip got another chewing. A tug at that collar and Fraser’s look turned all business. Ray could hardly wait.

 

With an intense expression on his face, Fraser leaned in until he could whisper in Ray’s ear.

With every word, Ray’s eyes widened. When Fraser drew back, it was Ray’s turn to swallow hard. “Bed,” he murmured.

Fraser’s eyes turned hot.

That lanyard was damn practical. Ray bet they didn’t advertise it could be used to drag a Mountie into the bedroom.

Ray kicked the door shut.

 

***

Bob dusted the shelf, carefully cleaning a picture frame before he reached the doll Fraser had given him.

He scoffed. That Yank was far too impressionable for his own good. Superstition did not become a man.

 

A self-satisfied smile graced his features. You give the Yank a doll that has some vague resemblance to your son and he runs wild. Pff…convinced himself he had some voodoo power over Benton! Ridiculous. Whatever was taught at this American police academy it was clearly not up to RCMP standards. His superiors never would’ve stood for it.

 

This had been almost too easy. Still, a man should be able to take credit for a plan well-executed. Now, if only he could get the Yank to admit how much he was in love with Benton…it was probably easier to approach Benton about this. Given the Yank’s penchant for deluding himself, working on him might prove unnecessarily vexing. Besides, words had never been that man’s strong suit.

 

Grown men should be more decisive. He would have to talk to the Yank about that. Couldn’t leave it up to Benton, his son had a soft spot when it came to the man with the experimental hair, way too lenient.

 

Yes, a talk was definitely in order. After all, you could always tell the mettle of a man after exchanging a few personal words. It was high time the Yank got a chance to express his gratitude anyway.

 

Bob Fraser looked at the picture of Benton he had just dusted. A soft smile spread over his lips.

He had never seen his son this happy. The Yank was good for him. That Kowalski was a good man – if a little obnoxious at times.


End file.
